THE WORD IS OUT!!!

With a lot of ENERGY, EXCITEMENT, & HONOR I am so excited to launch the website for my project!!!

Did you guess the name right???

THERE IS A NEW BLOG ON THAT WEBSITE---> Blog updates will be posted there from now on...

WOW! Isn't it beautiful how life evolves?!?!?!

All the love & support is so humbly appreciated!

It's All Happening!

As I sit up on my balcony staring at the jungle that surrounds me.
Listening to the sounds of the forest.
I am ever so grateful to be alive.

Since I’ve been in Bali, gifts of abundance have continuously opened up.
I am blessed.

On this balcony…
Where I do my morning yoga, breath-work, & prayer…
Energy does not get stuck here; the sweet breeze constantly clears it.
It is the place where I most frequently revisit deep states of gratitude.
My flow
flows here.

Last night I didn’t go to bed until 4am, & at that point I was convincing myself that I must turn in.
So turned on,
my eyes twitched from side to side…
I don’t know if I’ve ever been so passionate about “work.”
This new project is fueling

I realize that not only am I working on a time sensitive project,
I am also working on a time consuming project.
Energy exchange
Back
N
Forth

I didn't mean to avoid my blog... My energy has been going full force with the creation of the website!

I am almost done with the website, which is major feat...
I'm not super savvy with technology, but I seem to have made it work.
Well.

The launch will be this weekend, only a few last minute tweaks now.

My blog will most likely cross over, as my website has a blog of its own.
I hope everyone transitions ok.

Gratitude spilling from my heart,
I am so READY for this journey!

Planning which jungles of Papua to tackle... mmmhmmmm

Stay tuned~~~

It's all happening!

ps. does the picture give the name of my project away??? :)

In Silence, it will come.

Whoa... it's 4pm & I just realized all I have eaten today is chocolate & almonds....

THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO!
How do I balance all of it???

It's been interesting to witness my own evolution since this project has taken a hold of me...
Quite the hobby I must admit.

BIG things have shifted recently... all aligning specifically for me to continue to go forth...

Imua = Go forth in Hawaiian

I wonder how many languages have such beautiful ways to say my last name...
It is my mantra.

All my camera equipment has arrived, so now I am in a position to document this whole process of beautiful transitions & deep realizations. (The first video is in process)
Time is ticking fast.
It's time to book my ticket to Papua...

How do I start thinking like a tribal person??

I'm jotting down the questions I will ask them.
But I know once I'm there I will just fly in the direction of the wind.

No expectations. No reservations.

Surprisingly enough, one of the hardest things about this project/film I have faced was creating the name for the whole damn thing...
What do I call it...?!?
What do I call it...?!?

Several visions & words flew through me... but the right one was floating just out of reach...

Ughhh... frustration.
Breathe...
Patience...
In silence, it will come...

My dreams spoke to me,
"I GOT IT!"
and when I woke it was gone.

A Sacred Vision Quest...
curled in a ball...
holding my gut...

Visions... Visions... Visions....

Ahhh yes!
That's it!!!

haha! of course that's it.

The webpage is almost done,
and then,
I will share the name...

Appreciating the Process

Waves of confusion & clarity wash over me…

I’m starting to realize that this project is not about the end result.
Yes, a beautiful documentary to share with the world… But I know that is not the end, nor the major goal. Just a scrapbook, a collaboration of efforts…
THE WORD IS OUT!

This will be a life long journey.

Greater than any end result will be the process that unfolds during the mission.
Grasping insight… Fighting the bad guys… Working with the good guys… Accepting change… being humbled OVER and OVER again.
And finding myself through it all.

FINDING MYSELF THROUGH IT ALL.

The dark moon this time around brought a significant shift.
Hibernation begins…
I’ve been waiting.
To study… To research… To learn… To explore…
Distractions slowly dissipate & loose importance.

Lucy spoke to me.
Sky opened.
Diamonds encrusted my feet.

The black sand that washed up onto the drift wood reminded me that I am made up of the same particles of the Earth…
My body craved the dark rich minerals.
I could have ate a handful.

Earth made of the cosmos.
I started flying.

Traveler’s Treasure Chest!!!
Aha! That’s it!

Face to face I sat with the Cherokee Medicine Woman.
Her songs of the native tongue send shivers down my spine.
My soul pulsated to the beat of the drum & made me feel at home.
I sent her my message…
Vibrations…. Vibrations…. Dream…

My medicine wheel held vivid visions:

Owl holding pen & pencil in the South.
Blue Heron, river, children in the West.
White Brown bear grasping an URGENT message in the North.
Rainbow Horse bridging worlds in the East.

I am listening.

“You are on a great journey
And many things will shift
The medicine woman inside you is of great importance.
See her.
Nurture her.
Heal the world.
The rainbow people will guide you. Inspire you.
You’ve been here many times- each round intimately connected to the Earth.
You are a master of the Earth.
The children are your messengers.
HEAL. SPEAK. LISTEN. ENCOURAGE. CREATE. DREAM.
You are dynamic.
Bridge the world between the different colored people.”




My camera gear arrives this week.
The biggest investment I’ve ever made (besides my college education).
Now, I wait.
Patiently.

It’s all happening!

Once I found my purpose, my life changed... Forever.

Every person has a purpose… But not all have found theirs yet.

There is much to say about a person who is aligned with their purpose…
But other things need to be explained first.
1. One’s purpose can change.
2. One’s purpose is TOTALLY dependent on their life & their reality.
3. There are no rules to one’s purpose.

One’s purpose can be anything.. It’s not something to fear or avoid, it is something that should be paid MUCH attention to… Right now in the world there are too many people aimlessly walking around the planet,
without a mission,
a message,
a purpose
simply because they haven’t given themselves the time to think that they might ACTUALLY be purposeful. “I’m too this, or too that, so I’ll just ride on cruise & watch it all pass by. Merrrrrrrrr…”
We have learned that when we shine our light others try to dim it… so we only shine our light in safe places…
But my message to you is to shine at all times in all circumstances..
Don’t take it personally when others are blinded by your light & act out in ego, bow to them & whisper to yourself “I honor the work you still have to do, and hopefully my fire will inspire you.” Hermann Hesse said: “It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.”

One’s purpose doesn’t need to be extravagant (maybe that’s what people fear, “it must be extraordinary”).. No, it only needs to be something that makes sense to them.
When a person has a reason to get out of bed in the morning & be a part of an intention that they feel passionate about a fire lights inside them & can even drive them to make the world a better place.
This is intimidating I know…
But, really, it can be simple.

Maybe one’s purpose is to tell people they are beautiful, or to give offerings to the Gods, or maybe even one’s purpose could be to paint pictures or teach children or meditate or devote themselves to a cause or play guitar or smile or be a good listener or or or…. The list goes on..
Remember one’s purpose can always change & evolve too.

It just has to be something that brings magic to your day. This magic will manifest a new sense of awareness & devotion to life. Regardless of the depth of the purpose, the advantage of dedicating yourself to something you feel passionate about is infinite.

It gives you a reason to rise each morning, to meet each new face, and most importantly it lights a fire under your ass & asks you to keep going… This alone will bring new light into one’s day.
Having a purpose is like being in a good relationship- it always supports you & pushes you to be a better person.

The power of aligning with one’s purpose is immense. When an individual comes across your path & knows exactly why they’ve been put here on this planet it is powerful beyond measure. It actually can be a bit intimidating to see someone so aligned, driven & purposeful. We envy it because this is EXACTLY what each human being naturally is striving for: To be passionate about life.

Find your gift...
It is your legacy & the way you will serve the world.

"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine."

It takes 21 days to create a new neural pathway in your brain (aka habit, ritual, pattern, etc.) I’m in the midst of my challenge to bring in a balanced serving of the things that are MOST important in my life.. Already, I have seen how setting an intention to my day can bring a new element of sacredness back into life.

THERE IS POWER IN RITUAL!!!

So I challenge you:
What is your purpose??
&
How will you work towards it EVERYDAY???

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Mark Twain

~THE TIME IS NOW~

Wizard Moon & the New Chapter Sunrise

Sun rises,
now sun sets.
The duality comforts me.

I am honored when I am able to sip the sweet essence of the rising sun…
It’s becoming more frequent these days.

There is something magical during this time of day.
As the busy world sleeps,
Mama Gaia embraces her opportunities shine.
Birds sing,
the little creatures paint their way through the brush,
the sun kissed wind caresses my hair & leaves my skin feeling alive,
the dew from the night before glistens in colorful reflections of purity & simplicity.
I am a witness to it all.

Good things come when we pay attention to the silence.

As the brightest & lightest moon of the year fell unto the Earth
I watched the sun rise & steady at the same level.
Batur Volcano peak starring me straight in the eyes,
The four of us created a sacred diamond.
I held sun in one hand & the moon in the other
Equalized & stable,
I was the center of balance beam.

A circular rainbow reminded me
that
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Wow! Wow! Wow!
Are the only words I could muster to explain the depth.
Good thing I was with those who completely understood.
There was no need for anything more.

But something still speaks to me to sing.

They say now is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.
I breathe this alignment into my soul,
The shift is coming
I feel it
I am at the center of it…

Directly at the center of the universe!!!!

But don’t forget,
So is everyone else.

AWAKEN!

Manifesting a vision… Sharing my BIG idea.

Alright, so this is my first vocalization to a large group of a dream that I have recently become seriously interested in manifesting… So far I’ve spoken about it, but only to close friends & to others who allowed the opportunity to present itself. What I have noticed thus far, is each time I vocalize this dream more doors open, new ideas, resources, support, & motivation rushes in. It is amazing how potential energy can become kinetic energy as soon as you vocalize it.
This is a lesson in & of itself.

Now, I am trying to figure out how to make this dream become a reality & trust my intuition to guide me through it. Part of this manifestation is building a support system, & surrounding myself with people who BELIEVE I can do it. So far, all I have received is love, appreciation, & inspiration-this is the fuel I am running on now.

HERE WE GO:
My dream in this current state of awakening is to create a documentary film about something that I feel COMPLETELY passionate about. It is something that has been lying dormant in my soul for quite some time, but recently the blurry mirage of the dream is all becoming clear. Thanks to some high vibing experiences in the last couple months my dream has evolved quickly through the egg phase where the ideas swirled, into the larvae stage where creativity flourished, then into the cocoon stage where I went within to mature the ideas, and now the transformative stage where I am now sharing my creation. Yes, some beautiful butterfly medicine soothing my soul & guiding me through this process.

Before I blurt out the idea I feel that it is almost as important to explain the series of events that empowered me to believe in my ability to do this… because without these experiences my purpose would still be an itch that I couldn’t scratch.

It all started as I sat wide eyed listening to a mid-age Balinese man speaking about the importance of Nyepi (Bali’s New Year) and in the same breath admitting his fear of his culture quickly slipping away to modernism, technological advancement, & industry. I asked him if he & the elders feel confident in the youth to carry on their intricate traditions, he needn’t speak, I could see the answers in his eyes.
My heart sank.
My adoration of ancient, old, indigenous cultures all rushed into my heart & sent shivers down my spine.
I almost puked!
This was the first phase of the alignment…
I felt it in my gut, and the sadness quickly turned into intense excitement.
My eyes filled with fire:
“The world needs to know about these sacred traditions!” I could have screamed it.
The Balinese man looked up & asked “well who is going to do it?”

A couple days later I walked into a glowing room lit by candles, laced with flower mandalas, & embraced with zen in human form. Together the collective sang kirtan at the top of our lungs---I was high… real high. The bliss is hard to put in words, but just imagine a group of at least 60 people knees touching, hands open to the Gods, aligned in their highest truth vocalizing non-resistance in the purest form of love.
It was powerful…

When the kirtan ended we all gasped, no one was ready for it to come to an end. Mid gasp they introduced the flute carrying Kokopeli, we sighed in relief.
He explained his art as a sound journey,
I closed my eyes,
I was ready.
As he played his first note, my eyes clenched & the fire shot through my heart into each of my extremities, he was taking me on a journey, a Shamanistic journey. Sitting straight with my spine shooting up into the cosmos I started journeying into the forest, where I found my native family sitting around a fire.
I sat with them,
I didn’t speak,
the flute sang the words of my ancestors.

My heart turning more raw as the chief expressed his fear & his betrayal. His wounds bled openly in front of the fire dwellers. My indigenous father looked straight at me with eyes of helplessness,
eyes of trust,
filling my ears with rhythmic hope he told me that it is time.
Yes, I know… It is time.

In the midst of 60 blissed out hippies I balled my eyes out, releasing something that has been dormant for so long. Sitting in two worlds now, feeling completely safe, the excitement swirled through my spirit again…
Releasing the fear of my ancestors & becoming aligned with my purpose…
My responsibility.
To be the voice for the wounded indigenous. Not just of my native people, but also the indigenous people of the world.
Their intelligence… their secrets cannot be hidden & ignored any longer.
I walked out into the dark night & looked up at the millions of stars glaring down at me, & I thanked my ancestors as I could feel them there with me.
I declared my readiness.

Over the next month I was coincidentally aligned with a band who spoke so eloquently of all the thoughts I have on a daily basis.
Is it true?? The power of three is what kept the fire burning inside of me.

Lead by a Native American Apache & a soulful momma drummer, this band turned my world upside down. I would have to be completely numb to not be aware of this third synchronistic incident presenting itself to me.
No, no!
I was TOTALLY aware!

Medicine for the People is the name of the band & the lyricists was spittin some serious awareness. The message was all too familiar to me, but now it had sound… A sound that swept myself & many others away.
Completely aligned with his purpose this singer, this poet, this activist of the indigenous showed me how to be a voice.
My guru…
He taught me how to insert the medicine gently, yet powerfully, so that one cannot forget.
Again, I was acquainted with a Chief.
He transferred some of the responsibility into me.
I gladly accepted.
I will not forget.

Needless to say, the last couple month have been totally mind-blowing. I surrender to the immense power of an individual being aligned with their purpose. I harness this fuel & create it into my own alignment.

Each of us has a purpose on this planet,
although,
one must be aware of the synchronicitys in life in order to tackle it.

Soooooooooo, here is the big idea of the film in a very small nutshell (I am planning on posting the evolution of the ideas & the process as it unfolds on a new blog, this is only the introduction):
My passion for the indigenous people runs deep & is obviously driven by my own roots. I believe that native people possess a wisdom, a knowing, that many modern day people have forgotten about, & maybe never even known about. My mission is to search & document indigenous practices from tribes from a variety of places on the planet with hopes to educate the modern-day busy bee about:

1. How to live in balance with the natural world
2. Bringing sacredness back into the world.

The indigenous people have mastered these traits of being human & the hard part is the traditions are fading fast. The people who live so eloquently with the land & the spirits of the land MUST be recognized for their meekness: Their infinite power beyond guns, steel, & gold.
It is no longer time to feel guilt & sadness, now it is time to honor & cherish these intelligent life forms that have walked this planet.

In the midst of all these ideas I am collaborating, I must keep one thing in mind……. After working with children & trying to design ways to empower them to be caretakers of the environment, I’ve had to be extremely careful because there are so many LARGE issues which can become overwhelming & if you don’t have a strong connection to the natural world the typical emotion is to feel guilt, then avoid it completely.
My intention is not to focus on the negative, although it is the foundation of the issue being tackled, my focus will be on the beauty & potential of human beings actually living in balance with the natural world. It is now time that we look back to our indigenous sisters & brothers for guidance. Through knowledge, skill, & ingenuity they have mastered their environment, they live in tune with their surroundings and show it a respect that is being lost elsewhere. Because the fact of the matter is, no matter how technological we may become, our well-being is equally dependent on the well-being of the planet. The remarkable lives of the native peoples remind us that we are nothing without nature.
THEIR STORIES MUST BE TOLD!

I will start filming this summer in the jungles of Papua, one of the last places on the planet where tribal feet still walk the soil.

I ask my family, friends, & anyone else interested in this project to stay connected with me, the more vibrations being sent out into the universe believing that this dream can become a reality-the better.

All my love & adoration~ infinitely & limitlessly!

Tunkashila guide me~~~~~~

A Culture to Learn From~

Bali works on a MUCH different calendar, every 210 days Bali experiences a New Year. In addition to the importance & dedication of each day, the Balinese people live more in-sync with the Earth as they rise & fall with the sun.
Bali never seizes to amaze me with the amount of intention that fills each moment, but this holiday is something to write home about.

Nyepi: The Balinese New Year
The depth of this holiday is something I must delve much deeper into, but this is my understanding thus far:

Tawur Kesanga (the day before Nyepi):
Many days before this the elders of the culture gather the young children & ask them about the characters that live in their nightmares. The elders then relay this information to the young adult men who then gather materials to build the FAMOUS Ogah-Ogah (scary looking monsters-which are representation of the evil spirits). One thing to note about the Balinese people is their delicate balance of good & evil. They truly believe that they must cater to both in order to live harmoniously in every day living. Each time they give offerings, or go to ceremony, they pray unto the good as well as the evil. One cannot live in balance without both. On Tawur Kesanga the Ogah-ogahs are ready to be shown off, but it takes weeks to build & create them. Usually the compounds hide them until this day with tarps, making the outside eagerly wait to see their masterpieces. When the sun start to fall the vibe on the whole island shifts, a weird, creepy energy fills the air, but the people are so alive & so excited. The Ogah-ogahs are created to call on the evil spirits for the Balinese to show gratitude to by partying with them. By nightfall, it becomes a sloppy parade, when the intoxicated teenagers hold up the huge beasts & trample through the streets showing off their phallic beasts. The crowd roars with excitement & the Balinese gamelan music beats everyone's chest into a pulp. The women follow the men with torches, taking the beasts to the nearest cemetery when they burn them all to the ground. Demonstrating to the demons that you are welcome, but only for short periods of time. By midnight all of the people (including tourists) are hidden in their compounds (houses or hotels), nestled away safely by the comfort of their families.

The next day is Nyepi, Bali's New Year day which is celebrated in silence. No one goes outside, no one makes a peep. The island is silent. There is no travel (airports are even shut down), no one is at work, no one cooks, & there is NO use of electricity. This day is dedicated to utter silence & reflection, a Balinese man told me " when we are not talking we can listen more." On this day I could hear the Earth resting, no one digging, no one driving, just resting.
After the Balinese electrify the evil spirits the night before the next day they go in hiding... This confuses the evil spirits, there is no one to antagonize, so they leave the island.
In the silence the people reflect on the past year & plan ideas for the future year to come. In the silence they can hear what the Gods are telling them & what their own spirit needs.

An Australian was moved by Nyepi & created "Earth hour" a time (1 hour) for western people to turn off all lights & electricity & reflect on their impact.

The Balinese dedicate 24 hours to this, and I wonder could the western world EVER handle 24 hours in silence????

~~Bali is my teacher~~

To all my Sisters & Brothers

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually,
who are you not to be??

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~~Marianne Williamson

Constant Total Amazement

“The world is pregnant with miracles.
All it takes is for us to approach with quiet and awe, 
and the most mundane things open themselves 
into infinities.”

It’s interesting, I must admit, watching life’s mysteries unfold on a consistent basis. My world is filled with such beauty & bliss simply because I have taught myself how to see the world through a positive lens. So many opportunities have opened themselves to me because I have taken my life by the reigns & yelled “Let’s do this!”

My mission now is to not only embrace the beauty, bliss, comfort & love, but to also see the utter importance of its dualistic partners: darkness, contraction, greed, & anger. Finding the balance between the two has been quite a ride. The year 2012 according to many Mayan believers is all about expansion….

Expansion…

I contemplate this word often… It possesses great meaning that words actually cannot describe (in my mind).
Many of us Earthlings struggle with this concept because we appreciate reason, logic, & the tempting habits of the ego. We are scared of letting our minds flutter in ways that force us to think thoughts outside of the box. Outside of what we know. And when we do, there is usually someone to call out our nonsense, and bring us back down to Earth. It should be recognized that our bodies natural instinct is to expand, but the ways of our societies & the impacts of our fears usually cause us to contract. To go back in the box and hide, and even convince ourselves to think we are silly for contemplating such thoughts…
“Just stick to what you know” reason grounds you again.

Don’t get me wrong, being grounded is necessary too, but there is a balance you see… At some point in our lives we are forced to believe that imagination is not as important as logic, and this mentality I pity, but I forgive..

Contraction is yet again another word I contemplate… It also possesses great meaning in a very different sense. When I picture the word contraction I see a person curled up in a ball with their head hanging between their knees and their arms tightly wrapped around their calves. Their breath is shallow, their lungs are small, their face is tight. There is no room for any outside forces to penetrate this person, they are fully protected by their human shell. I reflect on the times I contract: during a fight when I think I am right & they are wrong-I go silent, when I am in a discussion & I disagree with a statement-I react & my ego flares, when I am told unfortunate news-I become sad & shun the world, when my emotions get the best of me-I am grumpy, short, & disillusioned, etc. etc. The list goes on. Now I am teaching myself how to feeeeeeeeeeel these contracted states, respect them, understand them, and allow them to be…

And in those times of contraction, I EXPAND. I open my arm & my heart to the universe, I spread the love from my soul to those around me, and I allow myself to experience the world of the unknown. Even though I AM SO SCARED to do so, I MAKE myself do it.

Through these practices, I have seen beauty in the darkness, & I have recognized the true potential I have as a human being on this planet. And the footprints I leave on my everyday path is of gratitude keeping in mind both sides of duality. The lessons I take from each moment are REMARKABLE.

“Almost the whole world's asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. Only a few people are awake. And they live in a state of constant, total amazement.”

Inside My Brain.... For a moment...

As I sit here on my balcony gazing out into the forest
I hear the rain breathing on my roof.
Breathing soooooooooo loud…

I contemplate.
My day.
My life…
This very moment.

This forest looks very different from what I know,
But now, it is starting to feel like home.

Rainy season is embarking on this tiny island.
I feel the seasons changing.
I feel it here.
I feel it at home.

It’s confusing… I know…
My home, that is.
The problem is
my home feels to be in many different places.
Will she always run around?
Will she never settle down?
You ask…
I ask…
……………….
Home?

Pause.

Hmmmm…. I contemplate this thought.

Like many, I was raised to think there was only one home.
My warm cozy bed, with all of my belongings placed exactly how I liked them.
My family sleeping sound under the same roof.
Bitter sweet contentment.
Gold
to a child of innocence.

But, for me,
Things
Changed.

My father left,
Then my brother left,
Things weren’t so cozy anymore.
It was bare.

Naked.

Then I left.

Years later, my mom left.
Now, on its last leg
this house
that I thought was forever to be my home
is empty.

So…
On the opposite side of the planet,
I challenge the word home.
Is it an actual place?
Or just a feeling?
Is it possible to have,
or to feel
this “home” sensation in multiple places?

They say “Home is where the heart is”
I contemplate this.

Pause…

My heart is in me…
It is in what I do
In what I say
How I learn
In the people I love
In the people I meet
In the journeys I force myself to endure.

Again,
I challenge myself
To find comfort in discomfort
And call this my home.
To see the things which are hard to swallow
And call this my home.
To embrace each person that I encounter
And to call them my home.

For,
if my home
when I was a child was a box,
It would be a small box.
But!!!
Measurement is damaging.
So, for now, I will say my box is…..

~Ever-expanding~

Bless the realization today that
THE PLANET IS MY HOME!
And
where ever I may run off to,
It is there
Where I can
Call each place
My home.

Science & Spirituality.... My Balance

Thursday, November 3, 2011, might be one of the most symbolic & powerful days of my life. It all started in a bamboo science lab & twenty 10th graders who were eager to dissect the bloody pig hearts that sat patiently waiting in front of them. “What, Brynn? Dissecting pig hearts? Who the hell am I becoming?” after all it was dissecting pig parts 10 years ago which triggered my passion for vegetarianism to this day. But now, it is all clear. As we cut through each & every vein, artery, valve, and muscle it became clear to me what our hearts are made up of, down to each & every cell. I looked at this huge heart in my hand & I felt my pumping heart inside of me & it was then that I realize what this amazing place, space, thing… is capable of.
After school I went home to ground myself from my day at work, my breathing exercises allowed me to transition into a much more sacred space for the next journey I was about to embark on. As soon as I heard someone was bringing the old Native American sweat lodge tradition to Bali, I jumped on it immediately. All sorts of amazing people in the community also jumped on this opportunity; somehow I manifested myself a spot. I didn’t know what to expect at first, through all the readings I have done & all the stories I have heard, there was nothing that could have prepared me for what I was about to experience. It was my own.
Let me start by expressing that every person’s experience is their own & will be very different from the others around them, as well as each time they do it. To truly understand the fullness & depth of this ritual one must experience it for themselves. Therefore it is hard to put words to this whole experience, but I will try my best to explain what it is I went through.
The lodge was constructed of bamboo with a canvas cover, at the center was the pit where the hot rocks simmered & steamed. Seven women & two men entered on the left side & crawled clockwise to the other side of the hut (you cannot stand in the lodge, it is only waist height). One man stood outside, tending to the fire, tending to the rocks, providing us with selfless service. Without him there would have been no ceremony. He brought us red hot rocks four different times, as there are four different sections of the ceremony. One of the other men inside the hut led us through the different stages, he was our chief our leader, I could feel his Native American roots seeping out of him as he sat right next to me.
My Native American roots have always been a part of me, inside of me like an instinct that guides me in the right direction. On this night it was amplified, when he started beating the drum & singing traditional songs of the Native American people tears dropped from my eyes. This is a truly strong force that lives within me & I felt at home just by hearing it vibrate my ear drums. I never knew I could sweat like this. If you have been in a steam room or a sauna, it is on a whole new level. It is a spiritual ritual to cleanse oneself, to purify, & leave behind the sweat of the past, the pains, the burdens. Each section is initiated by the opening of the flap door & the invitation of new rocks from the fire. We welcomed six rocks in the first round, one in each direction & a few extras in the middle. These rocks were sizzling boulders the size of a melon. The first round was dedicated to recognition of the spirit world. At the top of our lungs, and with the warmest smiles we welcomed them to join us, and we asked for their guidance. I could feel the resistance of all the people who had joined float away at this point. Presence in this moment was all that mattered. As he threw water over the rocks the temperature increased & so did our awareness. Our consciousness collided; there was strength in knowing we are all one. When the flap was lifted & our fire tender came to the door, gratitude spilled from my heart to him as he held the space for us, singing along from the outside.
As they entered the dark lodge, the next set of rocks were glowing, this time there were seven. The second part was the peak of presence, the climax of transformation. The intention of this round is to recognize courage, strength, and endurance. The reasoning for this is quite timely because this is when your heart starts to race, your body is struggling to achieve homeostasis, you are sweating like you have never sweat before, and the steam burns your face & the heat gets to you so bad all you want to do is give up. To step outside & feel the sweet, crisp, cool air on your skin. In this session you have to dig deep because in this round the leader throws on double amount of water on the rocks. I didn’t think I could do it anymore, my body was collapsing, I was worried. I was scared. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t, I stuck through it, and my endurance took me on another path, a path towards enlightenment. For the first time in my life I realized that enlightenment indeed lives inside of me, it is not some force outside of me that I have to spend my whole life trying to discover. It lives inside of me! This was the turning point. Two minutes later the flap opened & the sweet moonstruck air engulfed my face, my body. I have never felt so alive. I gave thanks to the planet for possessing such gifts to offer life. Appreciation, acceptance, love swirled out of our lodge into the rest of the world.
The third set of rocks allowed us space for prayer & expression. We passed around a little teddy bear which traveled from the America’s to the other side of the planet, it was given to our leader from his mother; her last gift to him. Similar to the talking feather tradition in the Native American culture, when you held the object it was your time to speak & the others turn to listen, although, our leader did chime in from time to time to articulate his wisdom. I was towards the end of the circle, and I knew the longer the heat persisted by the time it was my turn to speak I would be on another plane. I listened to the others, each one describing their pain & the healing they yearn for. Each person offered their own form of expression, their own stories, and their own levels of openness. The rest of us sat in silence, listening, and occasionally exclaiming in agreement “Aho!”
When it was finally my turn I held the bear with my moist hot hands & gave myself a minute to breath and become centered so I was speaking from my heart & nowhere else. My first prayer was to the Native American people, the ones still living today & to the spirits who were joining us tonight, I could feel their presence. I gave recognition to my emotions, because it was such an emotional experience my voice was trembling. I gave thanks for the ride my emotions have given me in this lifetime. I gave prayers to the children of tomorrow, may they do better at protecting our home. To the Balinese people who are enlightened on levels I am still trying to grasp, and to their children to stay strong enough to maintain their cultural traditions in the turning of time. I forgave myself for being so angry at the people who destroy our planet, and I forgave them & I found peace in the new turning of consciousness in humanity. And I said prayers for my ego, & the judgment I place upon myself, may it be humbled, and may I allow myself to tear down the wall that is getting in the way of spreading my love & beauty to the whole world. I sent prayers to my family in America, as we have been through a lot, let us see the light that is within us & inspire others to acknowledge the same. My last prayer was to the new family sitting around me, sharing the space, having their own experience. Thank you for being here, sharing this with me. Namaste.
The flap opened & in came the precious resource: drinking water, I could have collapsed in my gratefulness. Clockwise, we passed around the cups & nourished ourselves internally & externally. It felt like my body temperature was brought down 20 degrees. What a relief. WATER! WATER! So precious!
The flap closed again, the final round of rocks was dedicated to spiritual healing. To self-renewal & recognizing that from growth & maturing, healing comes. “It is time to consider healing: healing of ourselves, healing of a loved one healing of adversaries for peace among nations, and healing of the harms done to Mother Earth.” We chanted songs, we contemplated, our lungs vibrated to the sound of the drum beating, together we healed. Together we thanked ourselves, we thanked each other, we thanked everything we could possibly muster. “Oh Great Spirit, I pray for myself in order that I may be healed, Oh Great Spirit” we yelled. This session brought some of the greatest lessons, the perfect words that soared through my soul at the exact moment I needed them. One of the strongest was the lesson of generosity. Our leader challenged us to examine our commitment of giving, is it enough? “You should always question yourself in every situation, on every occasion: How can I help?” I accepted this gift of wisdom humbly.
The ceremony had now come to an end (it was maybe 3 hours in total). We gave thanks to the rocks for cleansing our bodies, our souls, our minds, and we left behind the sweat of our old selves. As we walked out of the lodge a new beginning had unfolded. As I gazed up at the bright sky & connected again with the moon I sensed a state of balance like I never have before. I walked out of that lodge acknowledging that the darkness & negativity that has entered my life has come for a reason & it is as important as the light & positivity. I should welcome them both as a sister & brother born into my family.
I am ready for this next stage in my life. I am open to the transmutation my soul stumbled upon on this beautiful evening. And I am willing to bring this wisdom into each and every day, every moment.
The next day I sat with my grade 10 students (the ones I dissected the heart with), we sat in a circle with the HUGE smoky quartz crystal between us. The energy of this crystal is almost as powerful as a pit of burning hot rocks. I taught them about the rituals of my people, the sweat lodge and the talking feather. I started with the feather & shared my sweat lodge experience with them, I told them this was one of my most powerful experiences in my life, and I asked them to share a powerful story of their own. As the feather passed from one child to the next I learned things about these children that I would have never guessed. We all sat enchanted by each others stories, listening, crying, & giving empathy & love. The dorks, the jocks, the druggies, the “cool” ones, all completely connected.
No matter what shape, size, color, or texture, we all have our own stories, our own pain & happiness, our own struggles & our own achievements. May we all find the beauty that lies within ourselves, and the light that lives within each & every walking, swimming, crawling, flying soul on this beautiful planet Earth, because we are indeed,
ALL ONE.

Reunion in Bali- Al's gift...

Wow! How fortunate am I that I live on the complete opposite side of the world yet I am able to share it with one of my very best friends. Last week I was blissed out with one of my favorite partners in crime, Allison Damon, aka (for those who know our tight connection) Altron... She bought her tickets before I set out for the states this summer, so I wasn't too bummed when we weren't able to bond as closely as I wanted during the music festival rampage we were on.
The clock was ticking & butterflies swarmed in my stomach for weeks before she was about to arrive. I was so excited to share my life over here with someone I love, with someone from my other home.
Matt & I arrived at the airport at 12:30am & by 1:45 I was seriously starting to get worried. At about 1:15 I realized that I had not given her my phone number or address, so if anything went wrong there was no way I would know as I stood there waiting...
Finally she arrived, and as anyone would expect, I yelled from the top of my lungs "ALTRON!!!!" running over to her. Gave her the FATTEST hug & realized "wow, you just traveled serious lengths to hang with me," this is something to be noted.

It took her a bit to adjust from America time to Bali time, but I also didn't give her much time to think about it, I through her right in to the Balinese culture the next morning. After I showed her "life at Greenschool" we set off on our motorbikes for a long day filled with ceremonies, jungle trekking, & sacred water cleansing rituals. Did I mention I crashed us?? On her first day here I toppled over the bike going about 1mph, it gave us some bruising & scars to immediately smile about.. We didn't have time for any big injuries, we had a big day ahead of us. Luckily, she smiled & said "that damn gravel!" I looked at her with a big smile, while blood dripped from my knee and exclaimed "Welcome to Bali Al!"
The ceremony & water cleansing ritual was not only a unique experience for someone from the outside world, I also grew a new love & passion for this amazing culture I live amongst. At about 9:30 when our eyes were growing heavy from all the cultural immersion, dinner was to be served. We sat barefoot & cross legged in the middle of a Balinese compound & were served a delicious authentic Indonesian meal which we ate with our bare hands. This was quite a treat, for all of us.
The majority of the trip was spent hopping from beach to beach, traveling by motorbike & jumping on boats to give Al a good ol' island hopping adventure. We sipped glasses of wine, ate incredible dinners, sipped coconuts, played with our hula hoop, wrote in our journals, had great conversations, played cards, laughed, smiled, did yoga together, joked about stories of our past, the list goes on...
The best part about it all, was that we were together. It didn't really matter what we were doing, what mattered was that we were together. It made me realize how much I not only miss Allison is my life, but it also made me realize how REAL & GENUINE my relationships are here in Bali & in the states. It made me grow a whole new appreciation for the simple fact that people have impacted my life in so many ways & how grateful I am to maintain & manifest incredible people in my life. It also made me grasp how much I have changed as an individual since I have left the states & because of that my friendships are being forced to evolve in the most beautiful way possible.
On Allison's last day in Bali I had a real treat in store. Our whole adventure allowed for some serious (much needed) relaxation, but this spot was going to be the most beautiful & relaxing of all. We took her to our FAVORITE spot in Bali, far away from the beaches, in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by rice fields & positioned perfectly at the base of Mount Agung (a large active volcano) lays quite little Sideman (pronounced seedamon). It was here that we spent our last hours together gazing at the incredible view of the most sacred mountain in Bali. The infinity pool reflected the clouds & the tip of the crater, & the outdoor living room possessed the comfiest cushions one could possibly ask for. It was here, in this place, where we reflected upon the serious bliss we encountered over the week & realized that we are three VERY fortunate human beings.
When I took Al to the airport I gave her the warmest hug I could possibly offer & thanked her for succombing to the long travels (in the end it is so worth it!). As I hugged her it was definitely not a goodbye, but an "until next time" departure. She walked away & turned around for one last glance & I hopped in the car with the biggest smile on my face coming deep from within my heart, & saying to myself "wow!I am so fortunate to have such a beautiful friend!"

Now, I wonder... Where will we meet next time???

Awaken

Life is an offering.
life is for sharing.
Life is precious.
Life is ever-changing.
And the only certainty is death.

In our daily life it is easy to become lost in our stories & our disillusionment, we forget about the real reasons we are on this planet. The real reason we were gifted with consciousness & intelligence. We succumb to our addictions & fall unworthy to our day to day trails & tribulations, most of which are mindless, numbing & distracting. But we become absorbed by them. They become the meaning of our life. They become our reason for being here.

Do you believe that some people can go through life asleep?
To be asleep is to allow life to pass you by, to not be grateful for each day & each moment, & to take this gift for granted.

Death is one thing that can wake a person up & make them recognize their purpose, make them recognize they should love unconditionally, among other things.

Do you believe a person can awaken without such an extreme?

Is your life conscious or unconscious? In your interactions are you reactive or responsive? When you think is it surface level or deep? When you love is their reservation or non-resistance?

Are you awake?

At some point it's time to wake up. And when this happens you will see life for all that it is worth. You will understand that your presence, interactions/relationships, love, & dreams are really all that matter.


Although I pride myself in living a conscious life, today I was re-awakened.
and love pours from my heart to all the ones I love,
to this planet,
to all living & nonliving.
To the depths & lengths that my small insignificant body can possibly send out.

FOCUS

Everything has happened so fast. The transition I mean. Although my summer was fruitful, pleasurable, and intimate; time flies when you're having fun, right? On our last weekend in the states we danced our butts off in the CO rocky mountains until Sunday morning then drove back down to Denver to catch a plane to Bali at 6am the next morning. We arrived two days later at midnight on Wednesday, then had to be at school (work) the next morning at 8am. It took us a few days to catch up on our sleep, come back to reality, and a weekend to make our house feel homey. Through all the rushed rampage we have slowly managed to ween out of summer mode and back into focused mode.
Through a chain of events that occurred one after another we are bursting with excitement to be back in this very different developing world.
The first weekend we were in Bali a HUGE ceremony was in line for the cremation of the Queen (A VERY BIG DEAL). We dressed in our Balinese ceremony clothes & headed to Ubud where the ceremony was being held. People had traveled from all over the island (tourists and locals) to see this big event. People were everywhere! It was my first time seeing Ubud this packed. The queens remains were put in the huge structure (you see in the picture), it took 1,000's of Balinese men to carry this immaculate casket about 1-2 kilometers down the road where they eventually burned the whole thing. This is a very rare ceremony celebration, and was definitely one worth seeing.
A few days later we were invited to John Hardy's house(founder of Greenschool) to have dinner with the rest of the new staff at the school. He always has tricks under his sleeve & this time I was thoroughly impressed with his planning. He wanted all of us to experience real-life Bali and what a better way than through food. He had banana leaves spread out on the floor and 50-70 people sat and shared an authentic Balinese meal off the floor with our hands (no utensils provided). As I sat next to the people around me having good conversation, butterflies flew through my stomach with excitement to be back in Bali.
After this Matt & I had a few of our good friends over for a house warming celebration where we feasted & projected a movie in our living room. There is nothing better than returning to good friends. The party left the house filled with an energy full of togetherness & love.
Returning to a focused life hasn't been all that bad (besides the whole waking up to an alarm clock part).
I have many goals, visions, and dreams to accomplish this next year in the Southwest Pacific, and this weekend I will be exploring all of the ways I want my consciousness to evolve.

Home

The journey "back home" thus far has been amazing! Time has grabbed me by the waist and taken me for a quick ride through it all. As I embrace each moment I still wonder how I can make them last longer. We are mid break and have had a plethora of great memories and tremendous amounts of reunions. Life is a sweet sweet fruit I must admit over here in America.
I first felt at home when I smelled those sweet dense Aspen trees in Rocky Mountain National Park, and everything since then has also hit home, I've pulled the trigger and admitted to myself that "God damn I miss this place" and "God damn I love these people." And yet, I still have so much more of this country to see, people to hug, and memories to store.
Thick family bonds & ultimate friendship connections have been the glue of this trip and have made my heart more plump & delicious. Instead of coming to America with a distaste for what's wrong I have reminisced in the sweet nothings that I may not have taken the time to be grateful for in the past. Like the barrels of hay lined up in the farm fields of Michigan, the wild flowers that frame the borders of the highways & streets, the happiness, creativity, & togetherness of the people, the pets, the cleanliness & gratitude for sacred beautiful land, and my god the GOOD beer.
Matt & I went to our first festival in MI and everything within us was sparked. Surrounded by amazing people, incredible music, ample amounts of creativity & passion, my heart was bursting at the seems. I held my heart so many times this weekend in gratitude for the space and time, and my matching grin showed that there was nowhere else on this Earth that I would have rather been.

Through our reconnections with the people we love the most, Matt & I have felt a healing inside of us that could not have happened in Asia, Africa, S. America, Europe or Antarctica.
Only right here at home.

Now we are gearing up for a road trip to the NorthWest Pacific. A place I have been dieing to explore for a loooooong time, and we still have two more music festivals to participate in. Then, at the end of all this bliss I am fortunate enough to leave to one of my other favorite places in the world. Bali ;)

Living & Loving this life I have chosen.

Exploring
Dreaming
Discovering

Embracing the Difference

For the last year of my life I have surrounded myself with something VERY different from what I was used to. I have seen my (American) culture from an outside perspective & everything in my world has changed drastically because of it. Today is the first time in a year that I will return to my home country and see it again after my inner transformation. I forgot how intense the American culture is (in its many forms), it has really been a while since I have emerged with it.
Today is the big flight travel day, we flew from Bali to Seoul (Korea), then to Tokyo (Japan), then to Seattle, and finally to Denver. It all hit me once we were in Japan, we walked to our terminal and almost simultaneously as I saw the sign for Seattle (USA) I got a HUGE wiff of McDonalds. I choked it down and walked to the desk to change our seats (Matt & I were scheduled to not sit by each other during the loooong 10hr flight). Only to be in line behind an obese pissed off Guchi wearing American woman screaming at the Japanese clerk about God knows what. I noticed her thriving off the fact that she was causing a scene as she was twisting her head like an owl to see who was watching her. I felt anxiety rush through my blood & disgrace fill my being. After this episode we moved on to another obese individual (mind you I haven't seen an overweight individual in a long time) who was struggling for each breath just from standing in place. Again, I choked this down, took a deeeeeeep breathe & said to myself "OK, here we go!"
One of my goals returning to the states is Non-judgment, I think I underestimated how difficult this task would be considering all of my mental shifts about America. I will stay strong with this and remind myself that we are all connected, and although I see & live life differently, I too could have been in their shoes in a past life.
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4 Days later....

From Rustic Bali to luxurious Denver my mind is filled with difference, indifference, beauty, and openness. Today I really felt at home and in my body as I took in a deep breath of the sweet fresh Colorado Rocky Mountain air. It was like medicine to my soul. When I am in the city I am shocked by the constant development & consumerism, but when I am here in nature I am awe-struck by the exquisite natural beauty this country possesses. There is nothing like the fresh smell of sprouting Aspen trees & pungent Juniper pine needles. We bought an annual pass to the US National Parks. I am so eager to spend the summer in some of the most geologically beautiful places in the world!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke this morning reading this:
"Joy is transformative as I allow it free and fill expression through my thoughts, words, and actions. Joy fills my heart as I hold the hand of a loved one in need. Seeing past any human flaws and frailties, I behold their true essence. Our connection is life-affirming and joy-filled.

Focus:
No attachment
No Resistance
No Judgment
Accept
Enjoy
Presence
~~~~~~~~~

Be Bold
Be True
Be Kind
Be You.

My Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About Balinese Hinduism

(in no particular order)

The Karma: The people live by means of Karma. They believe their actions in this life will lead to the life & privileges in their next life. This inevitably creates people who are highly conscious in their daily interactions, resulting in a very calm, peaceful, & safe environment. I have NEVER felt at risk or in danger here in Bali.

The Temples- Bali is filled with temples, they are all sacred places of prayer & gratification to the Gods. They are immaculate, every section of the temples are intentional & beautiful. There are large temples that belong to each section of the community, all people of that community gather at this temple for their ceremonies & celebrations. The majority of Balinese people live in a compound, which means their whole family lives inside of little houses that are attached to each other. Each compound has their own temple where they visit daily for prayer (these are also beautiful).

The Offerings- Everyday they prepare offerings to the spirits. These offerings are made from natural materials, the main material is banana leaves, they use these leaves to form a little box & inside the box they fill it with flowers, incents, and some type of food (usually candy or rice). All additions are placed carefully inside the box with their own significance. The food represents their gratitude for being given the opportunity to have food in their daily lives. These offerings are placed all over temples, in front of doors, on cross roads, on the front of cars/motorbikes, etc. You have to watch your step constantly, they’re EVERYWHERE. They are the symbols of the Hindu’s gratitude & appreciation of the offerings they wish to return to their gods.

The Ceremonies/Celebrations- The ceremonies happen at least twice a week, they gather to rejoice all kinds of celebrations. The people here are extremely happy, helpful, & compassionate; I believe this has a lot to do with their persistent gathering & celebrating. This culture always has something to look forward to, something to prepare for, & something to work for. A majority of their money goes towards ceremony costs, but it is the way of their life & they are happy to spend the money on their beliefs & rituals of their religion.

The Gratefulness for EVERYTHING!- They have specific days to celebrate silence, metal, fire, rice, motors, water, etc. etc. They literally celebrate all the gifts they are given in their lifetime, because they acknowledge their potency & realize how much they affect their lives.

The Incense-Bali smells amazing because incense are lit all the time, I have never seen such large packages of incense at the store. They use them to purify the air; this is an item of one’s everyday life here.

The Music- an everyday affair, some nights I fall asleep to it & some mornings I wake to it. The best part is when I am cruising on the motorbike & pass by a Gamelan (a group of Balinese people jamming away at percussion instruments), they are always dressed up, even if they are just practicing. Sometimes there are parades marching down the streets, whenever I see this I feel like I am in the middle of some magical dreamland. These visions & auditory awakenings always make me feel smack dab in the middle of Bali.


The Outfits-The Balinese ALWAYS dress up when it is time for gatherings or ceremonies. They have very specific outfits depending on the celebration. But the typical outfit is stunning, for both men & women. The women wear sarongs, and a handmade blouse that hangs down to their thighs, with a scarf wrapped around their waist, and their hair pinned back in jewels. The men also wear sarongs, with button down shirts, and a wrap around their heads which forms a hat. Every time I see these outfits I smile because not only are they so beautiful, they are also so unique & so traditional to their own culture. The Balinese definitely have their own “style.”

The Prayer-paying respect to the Gods is a daily ritual. The song for prayer is belched out to the whole community when it is time to pray. They pray during designated times, but they also pray on their own time, especially when they give an offering or enter a temple. Their connection to the higher power is highly dedicated.

The Thick Sense of Community, Togetherness, & Wellbeing- with all the gatherings & ceremonies the people are constantly together. Their sense of community is a way of life, an expectation of the others around them.

After I go to India I know this list will change, for instance yoga will be added, but I couldn’t add it now bc I haven’t experienced the Hindus here in Bali performing yoga (mostly just the western bohemians who pass through). Anyway, my writings & ideas are always up for transformation. What an incredible cultural journey it has been to live here.. All my love & gratitude to these amazing people I have been introduced to, I have so much to learn from them.