Embracing the Difference

For the last year of my life I have surrounded myself with something VERY different from what I was used to. I have seen my (American) culture from an outside perspective & everything in my world has changed drastically because of it. Today is the first time in a year that I will return to my home country and see it again after my inner transformation. I forgot how intense the American culture is (in its many forms), it has really been a while since I have emerged with it.
Today is the big flight travel day, we flew from Bali to Seoul (Korea), then to Tokyo (Japan), then to Seattle, and finally to Denver. It all hit me once we were in Japan, we walked to our terminal and almost simultaneously as I saw the sign for Seattle (USA) I got a HUGE wiff of McDonalds. I choked it down and walked to the desk to change our seats (Matt & I were scheduled to not sit by each other during the loooong 10hr flight). Only to be in line behind an obese pissed off Guchi wearing American woman screaming at the Japanese clerk about God knows what. I noticed her thriving off the fact that she was causing a scene as she was twisting her head like an owl to see who was watching her. I felt anxiety rush through my blood & disgrace fill my being. After this episode we moved on to another obese individual (mind you I haven't seen an overweight individual in a long time) who was struggling for each breath just from standing in place. Again, I choked this down, took a deeeeeeep breathe & said to myself "OK, here we go!"
One of my goals returning to the states is Non-judgment, I think I underestimated how difficult this task would be considering all of my mental shifts about America. I will stay strong with this and remind myself that we are all connected, and although I see & live life differently, I too could have been in their shoes in a past life.
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4 Days later....

From Rustic Bali to luxurious Denver my mind is filled with difference, indifference, beauty, and openness. Today I really felt at home and in my body as I took in a deep breath of the sweet fresh Colorado Rocky Mountain air. It was like medicine to my soul. When I am in the city I am shocked by the constant development & consumerism, but when I am here in nature I am awe-struck by the exquisite natural beauty this country possesses. There is nothing like the fresh smell of sprouting Aspen trees & pungent Juniper pine needles. We bought an annual pass to the US National Parks. I am so eager to spend the summer in some of the most geologically beautiful places in the world!
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I woke this morning reading this:
"Joy is transformative as I allow it free and fill expression through my thoughts, words, and actions. Joy fills my heart as I hold the hand of a loved one in need. Seeing past any human flaws and frailties, I behold their true essence. Our connection is life-affirming and joy-filled.

Focus:
No attachment
No Resistance
No Judgment
Accept
Enjoy
Presence
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Be Bold
Be True
Be Kind
Be You.

My Top 10 Favorite Things I Love About Balinese Hinduism

(in no particular order)

The Karma: The people live by means of Karma. They believe their actions in this life will lead to the life & privileges in their next life. This inevitably creates people who are highly conscious in their daily interactions, resulting in a very calm, peaceful, & safe environment. I have NEVER felt at risk or in danger here in Bali.

The Temples- Bali is filled with temples, they are all sacred places of prayer & gratification to the Gods. They are immaculate, every section of the temples are intentional & beautiful. There are large temples that belong to each section of the community, all people of that community gather at this temple for their ceremonies & celebrations. The majority of Balinese people live in a compound, which means their whole family lives inside of little houses that are attached to each other. Each compound has their own temple where they visit daily for prayer (these are also beautiful).

The Offerings- Everyday they prepare offerings to the spirits. These offerings are made from natural materials, the main material is banana leaves, they use these leaves to form a little box & inside the box they fill it with flowers, incents, and some type of food (usually candy or rice). All additions are placed carefully inside the box with their own significance. The food represents their gratitude for being given the opportunity to have food in their daily lives. These offerings are placed all over temples, in front of doors, on cross roads, on the front of cars/motorbikes, etc. You have to watch your step constantly, they’re EVERYWHERE. They are the symbols of the Hindu’s gratitude & appreciation of the offerings they wish to return to their gods.

The Ceremonies/Celebrations- The ceremonies happen at least twice a week, they gather to rejoice all kinds of celebrations. The people here are extremely happy, helpful, & compassionate; I believe this has a lot to do with their persistent gathering & celebrating. This culture always has something to look forward to, something to prepare for, & something to work for. A majority of their money goes towards ceremony costs, but it is the way of their life & they are happy to spend the money on their beliefs & rituals of their religion.

The Gratefulness for EVERYTHING!- They have specific days to celebrate silence, metal, fire, rice, motors, water, etc. etc. They literally celebrate all the gifts they are given in their lifetime, because they acknowledge their potency & realize how much they affect their lives.

The Incense-Bali smells amazing because incense are lit all the time, I have never seen such large packages of incense at the store. They use them to purify the air; this is an item of one’s everyday life here.

The Music- an everyday affair, some nights I fall asleep to it & some mornings I wake to it. The best part is when I am cruising on the motorbike & pass by a Gamelan (a group of Balinese people jamming away at percussion instruments), they are always dressed up, even if they are just practicing. Sometimes there are parades marching down the streets, whenever I see this I feel like I am in the middle of some magical dreamland. These visions & auditory awakenings always make me feel smack dab in the middle of Bali.


The Outfits-The Balinese ALWAYS dress up when it is time for gatherings or ceremonies. They have very specific outfits depending on the celebration. But the typical outfit is stunning, for both men & women. The women wear sarongs, and a handmade blouse that hangs down to their thighs, with a scarf wrapped around their waist, and their hair pinned back in jewels. The men also wear sarongs, with button down shirts, and a wrap around their heads which forms a hat. Every time I see these outfits I smile because not only are they so beautiful, they are also so unique & so traditional to their own culture. The Balinese definitely have their own “style.”

The Prayer-paying respect to the Gods is a daily ritual. The song for prayer is belched out to the whole community when it is time to pray. They pray during designated times, but they also pray on their own time, especially when they give an offering or enter a temple. Their connection to the higher power is highly dedicated.

The Thick Sense of Community, Togetherness, & Wellbeing- with all the gatherings & ceremonies the people are constantly together. Their sense of community is a way of life, an expectation of the others around them.

After I go to India I know this list will change, for instance yoga will be added, but I couldn’t add it now bc I haven’t experienced the Hindus here in Bali performing yoga (mostly just the western bohemians who pass through). Anyway, my writings & ideas are always up for transformation. What an incredible cultural journey it has been to live here.. All my love & gratitude to these amazing people I have been introduced to, I have so much to learn from them.

positive. and. negative.

I wrote this a few years back, just happened to stumble upon it... It's quite intense I must admit...


It hurts my gut that we walk along the same soil...
............................................
I say fuck your confounded bombs!
Fuck the way your pride thickens your skull,
and the way your testosterone runs through your blood
so dense
that
your neck becomes broad enough to hold your heavy head.
.....................................................................
Clear visions
for the country folk are a desperate mile away when
their own hierarchy is stoned out of their minds on steroids and power.
............................................
But people like me are the enemy,
I smoke joints.
I sit in trees.
......................................................................

"GET THOSE DRUGS OFF THE STREETS!"
You scream.
....................................................................
I call your bluff
YOU hypocrite!
.....................................................................
You're more stoned than me!

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I have one exquisite weakness:
I love when I come across a good soul.
I feel it deep
like we've been anxiously reaching out
for each others encouragement.
It's these moments when my faith restores.
.....................................................................
Walk with me you mindful creature.
Dance next to me and let our spirits
explore
the beauties of life!
.....................................................................
Realize with me that being able to
See true beauty
is more powerful than any weapon.
...................................................................
Challenge me!
to think expansively
In the most gentle fashion.
......................................................................
Water my seed of wisdom
With your tears of joy and pain.
For a lifetime or
For even a moment.
....................................................................
Thank you for coming across my path
I will remember our unification.
.....................................................................

I say lets celebrate life!
The purest beauty of existence.

On Vulnerability

It is quite interesting what one might experience when vulnerability comes knocking at the door. What is even more interesting to me is the way we hide it, mask it, store it, numb it, or run from it when it so vividly enters our lives.
It is true, no one wants to feel weak or submissive, but in times when we embrace the act of being vulnerable I believe we learn and grow the most. And we are in fact much stronger than we may be sought out or fear.
Whether you are the first to say "I love you", "I'm scared", "I don't know" or "I need a divorce" you are taking a risk towards the unknown (which unfortunately often times leads to judgment, our fear).
What is hard to realize... is that... one learns the most once they enter the unknown, and through this you are taking your life by the reigns.

Vulnerability is Power.

As the Tao Te Ching suggests:

"To be whole, let yourself break.
To be straight, let yourself bend.
To be full, let yourself be empty.
To be new, let yourself wear out.
To have everything, give everything up.

Knowing others is a kind of knowledge;
knowing yourself is wisdom.
Conquering others requires strength;
conquering yourself is true power.
To realize that you have enough is true wealth.
Pushing ahead may succeed,
but staying put brings endurance.
Die without perishing, and find the eternal.

To know that you do not know is strength.
Not knowing that you do not know is a sickness.
The cure begins with the recognition of the sickness.

Knowing what is permanent: enlightenment.
Not knowing what is permanent: disaster.
Knowing what is permanent opens the mind.
Open mind, open heart.
Open heart, magnanimity."
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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

A Day in the Life

The Famous mud pit at Greenschool... Fully taken advantage of.

Just Another Day @ Work :)

Matt & I took our little 3rd graders on a field trip to the butterfly park in Tabanan last week. This park was fully loaded with 40-50 different butterfly species, about 10 different LARGE insect species (including the stick bug & rhino beetle featured in photos below), scorpions, monitor lizards, frogs, etc. etc. It was incredible in a variety of ways. One, it was Matt's first field trip-his first time teaching outside the Greenschool boundaries. Two, the kids absolutely loved their lives, we heard several times "this is the best day ever". And three, not only did my students learn A LOT, I also had the opportunity to learn a bunch of new stuff. This is what I have decided is my favorite thing about teaching. This "work" allows me to be a life-long learner. Whether it's learning more about butterflies, sustainability, patience, biology, being present, gardening,
relationships, etc. etc. teaching constantly presents endless opportunities to learn as I go --> forth.

Talk about "hands on" learning... I LOVE MY Job!

Arachnophobia.... psshhhhhh!

Before I came to Bali I had a God awful fear of spiders. I mean, that movie Arachnophobia, scarred me seriously! When I came to Bali I had many fears, I held them tight, they were a part of me. The funny thing is, I've accepted & swallowed this fear that I thought I would never budge on so much easier than I ever thought.
There is something very unique about Bali, and many people run from it, but I have learned to embrace it. In addition to the immense & vibrant energy that radiates through the air, Bali is extremely confrontational in a very deep & spiritual context. There have been many deeeeeeeep personality, ego, & past dilemmas I have consciously tackled since being here... All people who have REALLY given Bali a chance would all agree that this place presents you with ALL kinds of surprises (even some that you really weren't ready for).
The arachnophobia thing isn't so deeeeeeeep, but its a simple example of one of the accomplishments I have achieved since being here that I thought I could never get over.
The spiders here are huge!! I have never seen anything like these creatures. I mean these babies are bigger than my own hand. They are colorful, and their webs are immaculate. My fear started to disintegrate when I made the decision to let an ENORMOUS scary ass looking spider crawl on me. This was the first step, and once I allowed myself the space to feel the fear & anxiety & all the other emotions that tag along with true arachnophobia, it all just started becoming easier.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not interested in walking through a fat spider web, but now I look at the creatures in such a different light.
I made a vivarium with my 1st grade class (a cage with spiders in it) & they all were too scared to catch the spider, and I was teaching them all about how spiders are our friends & we should love & appreciate them even if they seem a bit scary. This was the second step. When we went on the hunt & I was the "spider catcher," I played off my fear like it was my job (I guess it is my job-lol). I found 3 different species of spiders before I came across this amazingly huge yellow arachnid. When the kids saw it they all screamed "I want that one! I want that one!" Not only was I already nervous, this spider had made a huge dark white X mark in the middle of its web, saying "don't fuck with me." But I knew I had to get it. So I gulped hard, took a deep breath & went at it with my bug catcher with all the courage my fast beating heart could offer. Today I looked at that spider with absolute amazement, we've been feeding her for two weeks now, and paying attention to her behaviors. She just hatched 100s of little baby spiderlings, & I was in awe to witness such an incredible force of nature right before my eyes.
Now, when I see pictures of spiders or come across them along my path, I no longer cringe. I accept their gift & am grateful for their unique presence here on Earth.
Again, this arachniphobia achievement may seem small & insignificant, I admit it is only a thin layer off the top an extremely layered chocolate cake. But I think you get the point where I am heading with this.
I have felt a fearlessness here in Bali, in ways that is hard to explain & in ways I have never felt before.
My wings are open & ready to soar!