Wizard Moon & the New Chapter Sunrise

Sun rises,
now sun sets.
The duality comforts me.

I am honored when I am able to sip the sweet essence of the rising sun…
It’s becoming more frequent these days.

There is something magical during this time of day.
As the busy world sleeps,
Mama Gaia embraces her opportunities shine.
Birds sing,
the little creatures paint their way through the brush,
the sun kissed wind caresses my hair & leaves my skin feeling alive,
the dew from the night before glistens in colorful reflections of purity & simplicity.
I am a witness to it all.

Good things come when we pay attention to the silence.

As the brightest & lightest moon of the year fell unto the Earth
I watched the sun rise & steady at the same level.
Batur Volcano peak starring me straight in the eyes,
The four of us created a sacred diamond.
I held sun in one hand & the moon in the other
Equalized & stable,
I was the center of balance beam.

A circular rainbow reminded me
that
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Wow! Wow! Wow!
Are the only words I could muster to explain the depth.
Good thing I was with those who completely understood.
There was no need for anything more.

But something still speaks to me to sing.

They say now is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.
I breathe this alignment into my soul,
The shift is coming
I feel it
I am at the center of it…

Directly at the center of the universe!!!!

But don’t forget,
So is everyone else.

AWAKEN!

Manifesting a vision… Sharing my BIG idea.

Alright, so this is my first vocalization to a large group of a dream that I have recently become seriously interested in manifesting… So far I’ve spoken about it, but only to close friends & to others who allowed the opportunity to present itself. What I have noticed thus far, is each time I vocalize this dream more doors open, new ideas, resources, support, & motivation rushes in. It is amazing how potential energy can become kinetic energy as soon as you vocalize it.
This is a lesson in & of itself.

Now, I am trying to figure out how to make this dream become a reality & trust my intuition to guide me through it. Part of this manifestation is building a support system, & surrounding myself with people who BELIEVE I can do it. So far, all I have received is love, appreciation, & inspiration-this is the fuel I am running on now.

HERE WE GO:
My dream in this current state of awakening is to create a documentary film about something that I feel COMPLETELY passionate about. It is something that has been lying dormant in my soul for quite some time, but recently the blurry mirage of the dream is all becoming clear. Thanks to some high vibing experiences in the last couple months my dream has evolved quickly through the egg phase where the ideas swirled, into the larvae stage where creativity flourished, then into the cocoon stage where I went within to mature the ideas, and now the transformative stage where I am now sharing my creation. Yes, some beautiful butterfly medicine soothing my soul & guiding me through this process.

Before I blurt out the idea I feel that it is almost as important to explain the series of events that empowered me to believe in my ability to do this… because without these experiences my purpose would still be an itch that I couldn’t scratch.

It all started as I sat wide eyed listening to a mid-age Balinese man speaking about the importance of Nyepi (Bali’s New Year) and in the same breath admitting his fear of his culture quickly slipping away to modernism, technological advancement, & industry. I asked him if he & the elders feel confident in the youth to carry on their intricate traditions, he needn’t speak, I could see the answers in his eyes.
My heart sank.
My adoration of ancient, old, indigenous cultures all rushed into my heart & sent shivers down my spine.
I almost puked!
This was the first phase of the alignment…
I felt it in my gut, and the sadness quickly turned into intense excitement.
My eyes filled with fire:
“The world needs to know about these sacred traditions!” I could have screamed it.
The Balinese man looked up & asked “well who is going to do it?”

A couple days later I walked into a glowing room lit by candles, laced with flower mandalas, & embraced with zen in human form. Together the collective sang kirtan at the top of our lungs---I was high… real high. The bliss is hard to put in words, but just imagine a group of at least 60 people knees touching, hands open to the Gods, aligned in their highest truth vocalizing non-resistance in the purest form of love.
It was powerful…

When the kirtan ended we all gasped, no one was ready for it to come to an end. Mid gasp they introduced the flute carrying Kokopeli, we sighed in relief.
He explained his art as a sound journey,
I closed my eyes,
I was ready.
As he played his first note, my eyes clenched & the fire shot through my heart into each of my extremities, he was taking me on a journey, a Shamanistic journey. Sitting straight with my spine shooting up into the cosmos I started journeying into the forest, where I found my native family sitting around a fire.
I sat with them,
I didn’t speak,
the flute sang the words of my ancestors.

My heart turning more raw as the chief expressed his fear & his betrayal. His wounds bled openly in front of the fire dwellers. My indigenous father looked straight at me with eyes of helplessness,
eyes of trust,
filling my ears with rhythmic hope he told me that it is time.
Yes, I know… It is time.

In the midst of 60 blissed out hippies I balled my eyes out, releasing something that has been dormant for so long. Sitting in two worlds now, feeling completely safe, the excitement swirled through my spirit again…
Releasing the fear of my ancestors & becoming aligned with my purpose…
My responsibility.
To be the voice for the wounded indigenous. Not just of my native people, but also the indigenous people of the world.
Their intelligence… their secrets cannot be hidden & ignored any longer.
I walked out into the dark night & looked up at the millions of stars glaring down at me, & I thanked my ancestors as I could feel them there with me.
I declared my readiness.

Over the next month I was coincidentally aligned with a band who spoke so eloquently of all the thoughts I have on a daily basis.
Is it true?? The power of three is what kept the fire burning inside of me.

Lead by a Native American Apache & a soulful momma drummer, this band turned my world upside down. I would have to be completely numb to not be aware of this third synchronistic incident presenting itself to me.
No, no!
I was TOTALLY aware!

Medicine for the People is the name of the band & the lyricists was spittin some serious awareness. The message was all too familiar to me, but now it had sound… A sound that swept myself & many others away.
Completely aligned with his purpose this singer, this poet, this activist of the indigenous showed me how to be a voice.
My guru…
He taught me how to insert the medicine gently, yet powerfully, so that one cannot forget.
Again, I was acquainted with a Chief.
He transferred some of the responsibility into me.
I gladly accepted.
I will not forget.

Needless to say, the last couple month have been totally mind-blowing. I surrender to the immense power of an individual being aligned with their purpose. I harness this fuel & create it into my own alignment.

Each of us has a purpose on this planet,
although,
one must be aware of the synchronicitys in life in order to tackle it.

Soooooooooo, here is the big idea of the film in a very small nutshell (I am planning on posting the evolution of the ideas & the process as it unfolds on a new blog, this is only the introduction):
My passion for the indigenous people runs deep & is obviously driven by my own roots. I believe that native people possess a wisdom, a knowing, that many modern day people have forgotten about, & maybe never even known about. My mission is to search & document indigenous practices from tribes from a variety of places on the planet with hopes to educate the modern-day busy bee about:

1. How to live in balance with the natural world
2. Bringing sacredness back into the world.

The indigenous people have mastered these traits of being human & the hard part is the traditions are fading fast. The people who live so eloquently with the land & the spirits of the land MUST be recognized for their meekness: Their infinite power beyond guns, steel, & gold.
It is no longer time to feel guilt & sadness, now it is time to honor & cherish these intelligent life forms that have walked this planet.

In the midst of all these ideas I am collaborating, I must keep one thing in mind……. After working with children & trying to design ways to empower them to be caretakers of the environment, I’ve had to be extremely careful because there are so many LARGE issues which can become overwhelming & if you don’t have a strong connection to the natural world the typical emotion is to feel guilt, then avoid it completely.
My intention is not to focus on the negative, although it is the foundation of the issue being tackled, my focus will be on the beauty & potential of human beings actually living in balance with the natural world. It is now time that we look back to our indigenous sisters & brothers for guidance. Through knowledge, skill, & ingenuity they have mastered their environment, they live in tune with their surroundings and show it a respect that is being lost elsewhere. Because the fact of the matter is, no matter how technological we may become, our well-being is equally dependent on the well-being of the planet. The remarkable lives of the native peoples remind us that we are nothing without nature.
THEIR STORIES MUST BE TOLD!

I will start filming this summer in the jungles of Papua, one of the last places on the planet where tribal feet still walk the soil.

I ask my family, friends, & anyone else interested in this project to stay connected with me, the more vibrations being sent out into the universe believing that this dream can become a reality-the better.

All my love & adoration~ infinitely & limitlessly!

Tunkashila guide me~~~~~~

A Culture to Learn From~

Bali works on a MUCH different calendar, every 210 days Bali experiences a New Year. In addition to the importance & dedication of each day, the Balinese people live more in-sync with the Earth as they rise & fall with the sun.
Bali never seizes to amaze me with the amount of intention that fills each moment, but this holiday is something to write home about.

Nyepi: The Balinese New Year
The depth of this holiday is something I must delve much deeper into, but this is my understanding thus far:

Tawur Kesanga (the day before Nyepi):
Many days before this the elders of the culture gather the young children & ask them about the characters that live in their nightmares. The elders then relay this information to the young adult men who then gather materials to build the FAMOUS Ogah-Ogah (scary looking monsters-which are representation of the evil spirits). One thing to note about the Balinese people is their delicate balance of good & evil. They truly believe that they must cater to both in order to live harmoniously in every day living. Each time they give offerings, or go to ceremony, they pray unto the good as well as the evil. One cannot live in balance without both. On Tawur Kesanga the Ogah-ogahs are ready to be shown off, but it takes weeks to build & create them. Usually the compounds hide them until this day with tarps, making the outside eagerly wait to see their masterpieces. When the sun start to fall the vibe on the whole island shifts, a weird, creepy energy fills the air, but the people are so alive & so excited. The Ogah-ogahs are created to call on the evil spirits for the Balinese to show gratitude to by partying with them. By nightfall, it becomes a sloppy parade, when the intoxicated teenagers hold up the huge beasts & trample through the streets showing off their phallic beasts. The crowd roars with excitement & the Balinese gamelan music beats everyone's chest into a pulp. The women follow the men with torches, taking the beasts to the nearest cemetery when they burn them all to the ground. Demonstrating to the demons that you are welcome, but only for short periods of time. By midnight all of the people (including tourists) are hidden in their compounds (houses or hotels), nestled away safely by the comfort of their families.

The next day is Nyepi, Bali's New Year day which is celebrated in silence. No one goes outside, no one makes a peep. The island is silent. There is no travel (airports are even shut down), no one is at work, no one cooks, & there is NO use of electricity. This day is dedicated to utter silence & reflection, a Balinese man told me " when we are not talking we can listen more." On this day I could hear the Earth resting, no one digging, no one driving, just resting.
After the Balinese electrify the evil spirits the night before the next day they go in hiding... This confuses the evil spirits, there is no one to antagonize, so they leave the island.
In the silence the people reflect on the past year & plan ideas for the future year to come. In the silence they can hear what the Gods are telling them & what their own spirit needs.

An Australian was moved by Nyepi & created "Earth hour" a time (1 hour) for western people to turn off all lights & electricity & reflect on their impact.

The Balinese dedicate 24 hours to this, and I wonder could the western world EVER handle 24 hours in silence????

~~Bali is my teacher~~

To all my Sisters & Brothers

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually,
who are you not to be??

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

~~Marianne Williamson

Constant Total Amazement

“The world is pregnant with miracles.
All it takes is for us to approach with quiet and awe, 
and the most mundane things open themselves 
into infinities.”

It’s interesting, I must admit, watching life’s mysteries unfold on a consistent basis. My world is filled with such beauty & bliss simply because I have taught myself how to see the world through a positive lens. So many opportunities have opened themselves to me because I have taken my life by the reigns & yelled “Let’s do this!”

My mission now is to not only embrace the beauty, bliss, comfort & love, but to also see the utter importance of its dualistic partners: darkness, contraction, greed, & anger. Finding the balance between the two has been quite a ride. The year 2012 according to many Mayan believers is all about expansion….

Expansion…

I contemplate this word often… It possesses great meaning that words actually cannot describe (in my mind).
Many of us Earthlings struggle with this concept because we appreciate reason, logic, & the tempting habits of the ego. We are scared of letting our minds flutter in ways that force us to think thoughts outside of the box. Outside of what we know. And when we do, there is usually someone to call out our nonsense, and bring us back down to Earth. It should be recognized that our bodies natural instinct is to expand, but the ways of our societies & the impacts of our fears usually cause us to contract. To go back in the box and hide, and even convince ourselves to think we are silly for contemplating such thoughts…
“Just stick to what you know” reason grounds you again.

Don’t get me wrong, being grounded is necessary too, but there is a balance you see… At some point in our lives we are forced to believe that imagination is not as important as logic, and this mentality I pity, but I forgive..

Contraction is yet again another word I contemplate… It also possesses great meaning in a very different sense. When I picture the word contraction I see a person curled up in a ball with their head hanging between their knees and their arms tightly wrapped around their calves. Their breath is shallow, their lungs are small, their face is tight. There is no room for any outside forces to penetrate this person, they are fully protected by their human shell. I reflect on the times I contract: during a fight when I think I am right & they are wrong-I go silent, when I am in a discussion & I disagree with a statement-I react & my ego flares, when I am told unfortunate news-I become sad & shun the world, when my emotions get the best of me-I am grumpy, short, & disillusioned, etc. etc. The list goes on. Now I am teaching myself how to feeeeeeeeeeel these contracted states, respect them, understand them, and allow them to be…

And in those times of contraction, I EXPAND. I open my arm & my heart to the universe, I spread the love from my soul to those around me, and I allow myself to experience the world of the unknown. Even though I AM SO SCARED to do so, I MAKE myself do it.

Through these practices, I have seen beauty in the darkness, & I have recognized the true potential I have as a human being on this planet. And the footprints I leave on my everyday path is of gratitude keeping in mind both sides of duality. The lessons I take from each moment are REMARKABLE.

“Almost the whole world's asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. Only a few people are awake. And they live in a state of constant, total amazement.”

Inside My Brain.... For a moment...

As I sit here on my balcony gazing out into the forest
I hear the rain breathing on my roof.
Breathing soooooooooo loud…

I contemplate.
My day.
My life…
This very moment.

This forest looks very different from what I know,
But now, it is starting to feel like home.

Rainy season is embarking on this tiny island.
I feel the seasons changing.
I feel it here.
I feel it at home.

It’s confusing… I know…
My home, that is.
The problem is
my home feels to be in many different places.
Will she always run around?
Will she never settle down?
You ask…
I ask…
……………….
Home?

Pause.

Hmmmm…. I contemplate this thought.

Like many, I was raised to think there was only one home.
My warm cozy bed, with all of my belongings placed exactly how I liked them.
My family sleeping sound under the same roof.
Bitter sweet contentment.
Gold
to a child of innocence.

But, for me,
Things
Changed.

My father left,
Then my brother left,
Things weren’t so cozy anymore.
It was bare.

Naked.

Then I left.

Years later, my mom left.
Now, on its last leg
this house
that I thought was forever to be my home
is empty.

So…
On the opposite side of the planet,
I challenge the word home.
Is it an actual place?
Or just a feeling?
Is it possible to have,
or to feel
this “home” sensation in multiple places?

They say “Home is where the heart is”
I contemplate this.

Pause…

My heart is in me…
It is in what I do
In what I say
How I learn
In the people I love
In the people I meet
In the journeys I force myself to endure.

Again,
I challenge myself
To find comfort in discomfort
And call this my home.
To see the things which are hard to swallow
And call this my home.
To embrace each person that I encounter
And to call them my home.

For,
if my home
when I was a child was a box,
It would be a small box.
But!!!
Measurement is damaging.
So, for now, I will say my box is…..

~Ever-expanding~

Bless the realization today that
THE PLANET IS MY HOME!
And
where ever I may run off to,
It is there
Where I can
Call each place
My home.

Science & Spirituality.... My Balance

Thursday, November 3, 2011, might be one of the most symbolic & powerful days of my life. It all started in a bamboo science lab & twenty 10th graders who were eager to dissect the bloody pig hearts that sat patiently waiting in front of them. “What, Brynn? Dissecting pig hearts? Who the hell am I becoming?” after all it was dissecting pig parts 10 years ago which triggered my passion for vegetarianism to this day. But now, it is all clear. As we cut through each & every vein, artery, valve, and muscle it became clear to me what our hearts are made up of, down to each & every cell. I looked at this huge heart in my hand & I felt my pumping heart inside of me & it was then that I realize what this amazing place, space, thing… is capable of.
After school I went home to ground myself from my day at work, my breathing exercises allowed me to transition into a much more sacred space for the next journey I was about to embark on. As soon as I heard someone was bringing the old Native American sweat lodge tradition to Bali, I jumped on it immediately. All sorts of amazing people in the community also jumped on this opportunity; somehow I manifested myself a spot. I didn’t know what to expect at first, through all the readings I have done & all the stories I have heard, there was nothing that could have prepared me for what I was about to experience. It was my own.
Let me start by expressing that every person’s experience is their own & will be very different from the others around them, as well as each time they do it. To truly understand the fullness & depth of this ritual one must experience it for themselves. Therefore it is hard to put words to this whole experience, but I will try my best to explain what it is I went through.
The lodge was constructed of bamboo with a canvas cover, at the center was the pit where the hot rocks simmered & steamed. Seven women & two men entered on the left side & crawled clockwise to the other side of the hut (you cannot stand in the lodge, it is only waist height). One man stood outside, tending to the fire, tending to the rocks, providing us with selfless service. Without him there would have been no ceremony. He brought us red hot rocks four different times, as there are four different sections of the ceremony. One of the other men inside the hut led us through the different stages, he was our chief our leader, I could feel his Native American roots seeping out of him as he sat right next to me.
My Native American roots have always been a part of me, inside of me like an instinct that guides me in the right direction. On this night it was amplified, when he started beating the drum & singing traditional songs of the Native American people tears dropped from my eyes. This is a truly strong force that lives within me & I felt at home just by hearing it vibrate my ear drums. I never knew I could sweat like this. If you have been in a steam room or a sauna, it is on a whole new level. It is a spiritual ritual to cleanse oneself, to purify, & leave behind the sweat of the past, the pains, the burdens. Each section is initiated by the opening of the flap door & the invitation of new rocks from the fire. We welcomed six rocks in the first round, one in each direction & a few extras in the middle. These rocks were sizzling boulders the size of a melon. The first round was dedicated to recognition of the spirit world. At the top of our lungs, and with the warmest smiles we welcomed them to join us, and we asked for their guidance. I could feel the resistance of all the people who had joined float away at this point. Presence in this moment was all that mattered. As he threw water over the rocks the temperature increased & so did our awareness. Our consciousness collided; there was strength in knowing we are all one. When the flap was lifted & our fire tender came to the door, gratitude spilled from my heart to him as he held the space for us, singing along from the outside.
As they entered the dark lodge, the next set of rocks were glowing, this time there were seven. The second part was the peak of presence, the climax of transformation. The intention of this round is to recognize courage, strength, and endurance. The reasoning for this is quite timely because this is when your heart starts to race, your body is struggling to achieve homeostasis, you are sweating like you have never sweat before, and the steam burns your face & the heat gets to you so bad all you want to do is give up. To step outside & feel the sweet, crisp, cool air on your skin. In this session you have to dig deep because in this round the leader throws on double amount of water on the rocks. I didn’t think I could do it anymore, my body was collapsing, I was worried. I was scared. I wanted to give up. But I didn’t, I stuck through it, and my endurance took me on another path, a path towards enlightenment. For the first time in my life I realized that enlightenment indeed lives inside of me, it is not some force outside of me that I have to spend my whole life trying to discover. It lives inside of me! This was the turning point. Two minutes later the flap opened & the sweet moonstruck air engulfed my face, my body. I have never felt so alive. I gave thanks to the planet for possessing such gifts to offer life. Appreciation, acceptance, love swirled out of our lodge into the rest of the world.
The third set of rocks allowed us space for prayer & expression. We passed around a little teddy bear which traveled from the America’s to the other side of the planet, it was given to our leader from his mother; her last gift to him. Similar to the talking feather tradition in the Native American culture, when you held the object it was your time to speak & the others turn to listen, although, our leader did chime in from time to time to articulate his wisdom. I was towards the end of the circle, and I knew the longer the heat persisted by the time it was my turn to speak I would be on another plane. I listened to the others, each one describing their pain & the healing they yearn for. Each person offered their own form of expression, their own stories, and their own levels of openness. The rest of us sat in silence, listening, and occasionally exclaiming in agreement “Aho!”
When it was finally my turn I held the bear with my moist hot hands & gave myself a minute to breath and become centered so I was speaking from my heart & nowhere else. My first prayer was to the Native American people, the ones still living today & to the spirits who were joining us tonight, I could feel their presence. I gave recognition to my emotions, because it was such an emotional experience my voice was trembling. I gave thanks for the ride my emotions have given me in this lifetime. I gave prayers to the children of tomorrow, may they do better at protecting our home. To the Balinese people who are enlightened on levels I am still trying to grasp, and to their children to stay strong enough to maintain their cultural traditions in the turning of time. I forgave myself for being so angry at the people who destroy our planet, and I forgave them & I found peace in the new turning of consciousness in humanity. And I said prayers for my ego, & the judgment I place upon myself, may it be humbled, and may I allow myself to tear down the wall that is getting in the way of spreading my love & beauty to the whole world. I sent prayers to my family in America, as we have been through a lot, let us see the light that is within us & inspire others to acknowledge the same. My last prayer was to the new family sitting around me, sharing the space, having their own experience. Thank you for being here, sharing this with me. Namaste.
The flap opened & in came the precious resource: drinking water, I could have collapsed in my gratefulness. Clockwise, we passed around the cups & nourished ourselves internally & externally. It felt like my body temperature was brought down 20 degrees. What a relief. WATER! WATER! So precious!
The flap closed again, the final round of rocks was dedicated to spiritual healing. To self-renewal & recognizing that from growth & maturing, healing comes. “It is time to consider healing: healing of ourselves, healing of a loved one healing of adversaries for peace among nations, and healing of the harms done to Mother Earth.” We chanted songs, we contemplated, our lungs vibrated to the sound of the drum beating, together we healed. Together we thanked ourselves, we thanked each other, we thanked everything we could possibly muster. “Oh Great Spirit, I pray for myself in order that I may be healed, Oh Great Spirit” we yelled. This session brought some of the greatest lessons, the perfect words that soared through my soul at the exact moment I needed them. One of the strongest was the lesson of generosity. Our leader challenged us to examine our commitment of giving, is it enough? “You should always question yourself in every situation, on every occasion: How can I help?” I accepted this gift of wisdom humbly.
The ceremony had now come to an end (it was maybe 3 hours in total). We gave thanks to the rocks for cleansing our bodies, our souls, our minds, and we left behind the sweat of our old selves. As we walked out of the lodge a new beginning had unfolded. As I gazed up at the bright sky & connected again with the moon I sensed a state of balance like I never have before. I walked out of that lodge acknowledging that the darkness & negativity that has entered my life has come for a reason & it is as important as the light & positivity. I should welcome them both as a sister & brother born into my family.
I am ready for this next stage in my life. I am open to the transmutation my soul stumbled upon on this beautiful evening. And I am willing to bring this wisdom into each and every day, every moment.
The next day I sat with my grade 10 students (the ones I dissected the heart with), we sat in a circle with the HUGE smoky quartz crystal between us. The energy of this crystal is almost as powerful as a pit of burning hot rocks. I taught them about the rituals of my people, the sweat lodge and the talking feather. I started with the feather & shared my sweat lodge experience with them, I told them this was one of my most powerful experiences in my life, and I asked them to share a powerful story of their own. As the feather passed from one child to the next I learned things about these children that I would have never guessed. We all sat enchanted by each others stories, listening, crying, & giving empathy & love. The dorks, the jocks, the druggies, the “cool” ones, all completely connected.
No matter what shape, size, color, or texture, we all have our own stories, our own pain & happiness, our own struggles & our own achievements. May we all find the beauty that lies within ourselves, and the light that lives within each & every walking, swimming, crawling, flying soul on this beautiful planet Earth, because we are indeed,
ALL ONE.