Reminiscing a Shift

For those who believe in or understand reincarnation this idea will make sense & even transform thought for you, and for those who don’t, this many seem like a stretch…
Like many others, I ponder the questions of quantum physics, & wonder why we are here, what’s out there, & what is the point of all this??

One of the many benefits of living in Vail, CO was a colleague whom I had the privilege of experiencing on a daily basis. He is one of the most gentle, compassionate, trustworthy humans I have ever encountered who has truly mastered the art of being (he is a human being). He affected my life in countless ways (this is typical for the people who come across his path), but there was one snowy afternoon when he brought tears to my eyes which I will never forget.
It was natural for me to look to this man for lessons, inspiration, & understanding but it happened during subtle instances like watching his interactions with others & analyzing the beauty he spread into them, or trying to decode his humble words of wisdom he would toss to me in a simple conversation. But, this specific moment was different; we were both engaged in something deep, something he had already come to terms with and something that would change me for the rest of this lifetime.
It all started with the agreement that the difference between an old soul & a young soul was the attainment of lessons & the amount of time spent learning them. We discussed our beliefs about reincarnation, for me it was good to talk about because I didn’t get to speak (let alone be in agreement) of such things in Vail very often. So, my question to him was “what is the point?” Understandably an old soul is more wise because they have been through more, but what is the purpose of repeating the cycle of birth & death, and being forced to start all over again…..?
At this point I could see in his eyes that he was going to test my grounds to see what I was capable of understanding… He explained to me that every human is on a different level (of consciousness) & their placement depends on what lessons the spirit has truly achieved. I knew what he was talking about, & because of his composure & confidence it was obvious that his spirit has been through much adversity.
I found the courage within myself to ask “what does reincarnation have to do with enlightenment then?” The answer was obvious, but I just needed to hear it.
He told me that the point of our existence in our physical bodies (and situations) is to embrace the inevitably of change, and endure each circumstance because it is there, where the lessons unfold. Then he summed it all up by articulating the words I needed to hear; he said the more you overcome in this lifetime, the less hardships you will have to go through in the next. Meaning, the faster you learn & recognize the trials of human suffering such as jealousy, attachment, fear, craving, judgment, hatred, etc. the closer you come to enlightenment. When you truly attain a lesson the chains of resistance are freed from your spirit & you are one step closer to opening yourself up to the world. A spirit will face the patterns of the hardships & lessons until they are mastered.

My spine shivered, & goose bumps covered my skin because I knew what he was speaking was Truth.

Something else he told me that will always stick with me, was to ALWAYS leave situations better than they were when you arrived, but that is a whole nother’ story in itself. I was so blessed to cross paths with this individual.

I wandered through the rounds of countless birth,
Seeking but not finding the builder of this house.
Sorrowful indeed is birth again and again.
Oh, housebuilder! You have now been seen.
You shall build the house no longer.
All your rafters have been broken,
Your ridgepoles shattered.
My mind has attained to unconditional freedom.
Achieved is the end of craving.
~Dhammapada

Perfect Chaos

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins

In the midst of all this beautiful culture & land there is destruction all over. Destruction of the environment by horrible pollution & manipulations of the Earth, & destruction of the mind & body from genetically modified garbage that is now considered "food" & the intense brainwashing of media defining what the human experience "should" be.
These visions instill a fear within me & make me loose hope for the future of humans. I just want to find a place that is untouched, a place where no plastic bags run through the river, a place where I can breathe deep & be confident that its all fresh air, and a place where the people are conscious of their actions on a much higher level. I'm starting to wonder where this place might exist...
Recently, I have discovered a major flaw in my view of the world.. I have acknowledged that since about the age of 14 I have despised many humans for their inaction (or lack of conscious awareness). On several occasions I have felt myself resenting people for their inability to change their ways to become a more conscious person about what is really going on in the world. I would consistently question others sanity and become filled with anger and disappointment to see humans make such selfish, mindless, & uneducated choices...
What I have realized is that the majority doesn't actually know what goes on behind the walls of a slaughter houses-so they continue to support the meat industry. The majority doesn't know how to recycle, so they throw their trash in the rivers, lakes, & forests. The majority doesn't know (about or) how to take action towards the global fresh water struggle-so they continue to leave the water running as they brush their teeth & take showers for 30 minutes. The majority doesn't understand how many resources the Earth is giving compared to receiving-so people keep consuming! consuming! consuming! This will remain a continuous cycle until human beings become more educated about their daily choices or until its too late..
Depak Chopra said that "people really are doing the best they can, given their level of awareness," this has changed my whole perspective about the evolution of humans. I has also changed my mind about the way I feel about those who don't contribute towards right action. How can I remain angry at a person who truly doesn't know any better??
I wasted all that time & energy being mad at people when I could have used it to lift levels of awareness..

Mission 1-Abort!
Mission 2-Execute!

Homesick...

I think all travelers would agree that “no one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” – Lin Yutang... This is something I have come to realize even without the experience.
For those of you who are very close to me, you already know that I am missing home, especially during this time. Currently, I am having an inner battle between what I know & what is new. I'm not sure if this was all triggered by the realization that I will not be going home for quite some time, or simply because it's the holidays... Either way I have been feeling vibrations in my soul that tell me that my time in the states is not over. This realization is something I knew I would face during my overseas excursion, and to be honest before I left I assumed it would be the opposite.
Currently I have a deep hunger for a few things that I left behind, & the most powerful is my yearning for my friends & family. Or should I just say my family, because all of my friends are a part of me like my family... These travels have made me realize how authentic & meaningful all of my relationships are, & my love & gratitude for each of them has only grown with the distance. Sometimes it feels unsettling to be so far away from the people who I am closest to, and I sit with this feeling & know it is rooted out of genuine love & appreciation for all of the ones who have come across my path & effected me deeply. So the reason I am writing this blog is to set intentional appreciation & allow the space this time deserves & let all of my friends & family know how deeply you are missed, & that everyday you ride humbly in my soul. You ALL are my roots, & without you I would be a tree that has already collapsed.
At the same time that I want to sit & reflect upon this awareness of love & gratitude for my family, I want to also offer respect & recognition to the opportunities I have been granted. I realize that I attracted everything that is happening in my life right now, & I am remaining open & committed to the journey that unfolds for me daily. In my heart I know that this opportunity that has presented itself as an experience that WILL evolve my consciousness, & therefore I will continue to maintain & ride out the colorful emotions that are attached to it.

The other two things that I truly miss about living in the states, is OBVIOUSLY the music scene, which I have also grown a new vision & appreciation for, and... pickles (dill pickles-there are just some things you cant find over here)... But all in all, these other two arn't actually as important, they're just cravings...


“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese

Cultural Connection

The 7th of December marks the date of my 6th month on the other side of the world. I never would have dreamed landing the position I am in now. Every day is still filled with new experiences on the path towards transformation. Matt & I currently have been asked to continue our contract at Greenschool until June, so we will be continuing this journey overseas for another 6 months.
Many people consider Bali unlike any other place on Earth, it's almost as though it is a vortex of positive energy. Somehow things seem to manifest for people with ease- its like the people who've been chosen to be here are supposed to be here with a mission to unravel & the universe is generously allowing it to happen.
The Balinese people are the most intentional human beings I have ever met, also the most humble... It is amazing to see what drives different cultures, what motivates them, inspires them, & it meaningful to them. After being away from it for a while I've realized how much the American culture is driven by sex, money, & fashion. It is sooooo opposite here. It was interesting also when I went to Singapore as the women walked around in mile high heals & ridiculous-futuristic outfits & the metro-sexual men prancing around in things that probably cost a fortune (I felt totally out of place). I was surrounded by malls. I just haven't been around that in a very long time. People in the Philippines & Indonesia are not so absorbed by fashion, actually I think they could care less. The only time they really care about their dress is to appease their Gods. Most of them wear plastic bags (on their heads) as rain-gear; no one in Singapore would be caught dead in such an outfit.
Ceremony is life to the Balinese, & these are the times when they dress their best, to appease their Gods, & they have many Gods; as the majority of the population are Hindu's (another reason why Bali is a vortex-a Hindu island in the midst of a Muslim nation). The money they make is used for ceremony and they will even admit that it gets expensive. But to me this tradition is worth every penny.
Everything stops for these ceremonies, even traffic. Sometimes there will be parades of 20-100 Balinese people marching through the streets in their ceremony gear holding traditional pieces that represent the significance of that day & clanking away at a variety of percussion instruments. It is a sound that rings in my ears daily.
The Balinese people are very kind & generous as well. The feeling I have gotten so far is that they will help out in anyway they know how to without hesitation. The other day I was driving to the doctor & COULD NOT find the hospital, so Matt & I stopped to ask for directions in some unknown area. Evidently I portrayed it enough that we were lost, so he stopped what he was doing, jumped on his motorbike & drove us to the doctor (about 30-40 minutes out of his way) and we would not even take a cent from us. Hindu people live & act highly upon karma & they truly believe their actions in this life will lead to the outcome of their next life.. This mentality makes me feel safe here. Even towards the beginning of our time here at Bali. A very generous Balinese woman took us under her wing (Wayan-from the book Eat, Pray, Love) & allowed us to stay in the very house that was mentioned in the book (for free bc at the time we were broke back-packers). I've figured out this generous act of kindness is a dream of the countless (aimless) middle-age women who roam Ubud.
Insert bitching here:
It makes me sad when I see that only the worst western inventions have made it over here; like single-wrapped Kraft cheese, McDonalds, & other like-minded shallow products. No matter how THICK the Balinese culture may be, these things are slowly but surely slithering in. This island, no no no, this country, is too unique to be brainwashed by such nonsense (in my opinion). No wonder us American have such a bad rep. I'm serious about this too, it's even hard convincing the European & Australians that there are sane people in America too.
Back to the point: Even at work I am surrounded not only by Balinese people, but people from all over the Earth. My view of the world has changed dramatically after experiencing so many global personalities & outlooks. The student population at Greenschool is conglomerated of children from all over the world, & the staff reflects world-wide faces as well. Everyday I am soaking up the Balinese traditions & I am proud to say the Indonesian language is a constant development (it is my 1st second language I've ever become serious about).
I have also fallen in love with this jungle. Every night I fall asleep to the humming of insects & rain falling eloquently on my bamboo house, & every morning I wake to sun beams seeping through the rain forest canopy. Everyday I am grateful to be in such a harmonious place on Earth. Not only do I get to live in this environment, I get to teach in it as well. The other day Matt & I were teaching the kids "nature survival" strategies; we took them on a walk through the jungle & showed them all the ways humans CAN depend on nature. The children were sucking on sugarcane, slurping on coconut milk with papaya straws, chomping on pineapples, cocoa seeds, rice, papayas, green-edible plants, & various roots we dug up. It was a beautiful vision!
There are so many neat & extraordinary things in this place that I have never witnessed. There are these army ants who will team up & take out their prey who are much larger than them; typically its worms, but I've seen them even take out centipedes & scorpions. Its incredible, they bite them & then work as a team to carry their prey to their destination-at this point the prey is still fighting for its life as it's being carried away. The circle of life is a continuous cycle that is every where, but this vision is one that I see quite often.
There plants here are also unlike anything I've ever seen, they are gigantic & they all have some kind of unique protection force. Everything grows rapidly here due to the heat & humidity (including bacteria). The other day we woke up with a dead bat on our kitchen counter & the insects here are the largest I've ever seen. Anything & everything is quite welcome in our home since we have no walls and/or doors. Thank god for our mosquito net-that's all I have to say.... :)
I've never felt so safe in such an unknown area (that in retrospect should be feared). One morning at 3am I woke up & wrote:
"I am sitting at my kitchen counter writing thoughts in a wide open house.
No doors.
No walls.
No locks.
Purely out in the open,
vulnerable to the jungle & the people who could come by.
But they wont."

Balancing Realities

Phew! Its been a while since I've been able to sit down & write. I've had tid bits of time to sit down, but I haven't been able to write, & when I felt I could write I didn't have the time to sit down. So finally, the two have intertwined.
I feel that I was really on to something during my travels. I was seeing a whole new light of the world & myself. I was exploring realms of my personality & habits that needed serious attention & was actually grasping the things I truly wanted to do in my life... Now I am back to the working world & I am trying my best to take what I learned during my travels & apply it to real life. Because although traveling IS necessary to the evolution of my consciousness, it is not a sustainable lifestyle, at some point you have to come back to reality.

It is of utmost importance for me to recognize how I can balance the two worlds of work & well-being. I owe this to myself, I owe this to the ones around me, and I owe this to the world. Luckily, I absolutely love what I am doing, which makes the whole work part much easier, but even if you love what you do, work can inevitably consume you. It is easy to become lost in such things & forget about your relationships,, your hobbies, your growth, yourself. So the ultimate question is how do you balance the realities of life???


I truly believe that there are four things that make up what it means to be human
1. The Physical Realm
2. The Emotional Realm
3. The Mental Realm
4. The Spiritual Realm
All of which are states (or levels) of well-being & if one is missing, inner equilibrium is not achieved. Making these four aspects of oneself balanced is true living, the best living.

Recently I spoke about this concept with a woman I work with. I explained with her my view of how people can become so absorbed by one of the realms that they loose sight of the other beautiful parts of themselves. An example I proposed to her was of a place I recently lived where most of the people were so attentive to their physical side that it was hard to connect with them on any other level. I also proposed examples from the world today such as; a model who is typically a person that is indulged by the physical world, a sensitive person who is overtaken by their emotions, a person who studies their life away has lost themselves in their books, & yes it is even possible to become "too spiritual". She is from a "very spiritual place in England, kind of like Boulder" she said, and after speaking about this she admitted that as much as she loved the place "many of the people there have become ungrounded because they are too spiritual," or in other words they have become so attached to one aspect of their personality that they have lost focus of the other parts of themselves.
So, in retrospect it is so simple how to live a balanced life: just pay attention to each of the four elements that make up a human being. But on the contrary, life is tough & there are distractions. Like I said, it's easy to get lost in the things that consume you.
Sometimes when I sit in silence with myself & not think about the 10,000 things that need to be done, I realize what my life, my body, soul, & mind really need. I give myself the time to become aware of how I need to grow. In addition to the realizations it also requires strength, discipline, sacrifice, & encouragement from the ones around you (most people, including myself, lack this part, but it truly is grandma's secret homemade recipe). It is a choice that an individual makes for themselves, a shift in consciousness about knowing what your own body needs, because in reality YOU are the only one who truly knows.
The time I have had overseas has truly changed me, I can honestly say I will never be the same after all of these experiences. I have become more motivated to take control of my life in the most humble way possible. I have truly recognized first hand that if I want to live my life fully it is up to me to make the choice. No one is responsible for my happiness, my success, or my achievements. I am responsible for this.

The Greenschool Experience

The first time I set foot on the campus of Greenschool I knew this place was unlike any other in the world. It was calm, peaceful, & all of the children were beaming with positive energy. There were no closed in walls, all the functioning structures were made of bamboo & totally open to the lush permaculture that surrounded the heart of the school; it almost didn’t even seen as though it was a school.
The second day I visited Greenschool about 15-20 6th graders were covered in mud in the mud pit (where the full moon ceremonies are held-also directly next to the principal’s office) having a “bonding session as the rubbed mud in each other’s hair. Right besides this “bonding exercise” was 5-7 students jamming away on marimbas & jambeys during their “snack time.” And when the gong rang & all the kids scurried to their next destination I knew this was the place I needed to be. (Oh did I mention the school lunches are made from organic foods that are picked from the crops surrounding the school, the toilets are composted, every building/classroom & all the furniture is composed of sustainable bamboo, the water is derived from an underwater well that is located directly under the school, the electricity is in the process of being supplied by a vortex in the river next to the school, & it has the smallest carbon footprint of any mass school on Earth. This place RULES!!)
The following day, I met with the founder of the school, a man who is severely scarred from the realities of “An Inconvenient Truth,” & has dedicated the rest of his life to create one more solution towards a more environmentally conscious future. In the short time that I spoke with him he asked me questions like “how many GOOD teachers did you have, honestly?” “What do you think is the real reason people choose teaching as their profession?” And “how many of those teachers do you think change the world in their summers off?” He wanted me to not only answer the questions, but to answer them honestly. So I did, & I will never forget that conversation.
Unfortunately, this opportunity Matt & I have been given is a scenario of sad endings leading to new beginnings. The woman whose position we were given died (today actually). A few days before her death all of the Greenschool teachers sat listening to the founder as he pleaded to us that “you should never wait to be doing what you really love because you never know when this will all be over for you. One month ago I saw Dawn (the woman who we replaced) pushing around a wheelbarrow, now she is in hospice waiting for the cancer to end its cycle. If this is not what you want to be doing, please go figure out what it is.” Then we all gave her a minute of silence.
So, needless to say, we’ve got shoes to fill & not only do we want to fill them well, we want to fill them GREAT because we cannot imagine anywhere else in the world we would rather be, than here & in this situation. Now we are Ibu Brynn & Pak Matt (aka “The Greens”) & we are team teaching these kids about Green Studies (the whole backbone of this schools mission), & we are being supported by everyone around us to throw out the books & get these kids dirty & reconnected with nature.
Since we have taken on this role (which also involves creating the whole curriculum- an enormous task in itself) we have discovered how humans have deprived themselves of nature by succumbing to the convenience of air conditioning, fast & easy food, cemented walls, etc. & have forgotten all of the things true nature inherently provides for us. It has been said that in order for a human being to understand the extremity of the world’s environmental crises they have to possess an intimate connection with the Earth on a personal level. Or, in other words, the people who get out in nature catch bugs, get their feet dirty, swim in natural waters, learn about & live off the land etc. will have a deep yearning for this place we call home & even consider it as a part of themselves (which instinctively they want to protect). The ones who segregate themselves from the natural world will find it hard to care or even think twice about something that isn’t a part of them (why would they care if it’s gone if it’s not a part of their day/life?). It is estimated that by 2030 80% of the world’s population will be urbanized & sheltered away from everything natural. So it is our job to not let that separation happen to these children by giving them all the opportunities to love & learn about the natural world. It is our job to get these malleable souls out in nature & understand what it feels like to hold a butterfly in their hand, dig up minerals from the breast of the Earth, & get their hands dirty in the most sustainable ways. It is our job to turn these children into conscious adults who will be leaders & movers in our global environmental solutions. This is where I need to be right now, & I AM GOING TO KICK ASS!!!

“In the end we will only conserve what we love,
We will only love what we understand,
We will understand only what we have been taught.”
~Baba Dioum –African Conservationist

Go --> Forth

It seems like the Philippines was so long ago, but it hasn't even been a month since we've been in Indonesia. I feel like the Phillies & Indo have been two completely different chapters I have been through in my life, & this phase I am in is the most powerful yet. I have taken myself out of the busy life-style that was consuming every part of my being & gave myself the opportunity to take a step back, listen to the silence, & get to know myself again. Not only am I continuously learning what it means to live on a planet (and not just a country), I am also learning what it is I love & what is truly important to me. Typically my summer would have been spent engulfed & hyptomized by loud music, parties, & mind altering experimentation, but this year I chose something different. I decided to see the world, practice yoga, climb volcanoes at 4am instead of party til 4am, meditation, silence, knowledge, God (actually I call it "Father Sky", I believe you can call this living entity of connection & oneness anything you want, but most people know it as God), & most importantly I chose self-exploration.
The major difference between the Philippines & now is that when I began this voyage I felt stuck.. internally... I came equipped with a ton of goals to achieve, so I knew I traveled half way across the Earth for a reason, but I didn't know where to start. So, in all honesty, the majority of the time I was in the Philippines I was solely an observant adventurist. The experiences were wholesome in every way-but it was almost as though I was on vacation & soon enough I would be back to the busy world of unconsciousness. I went about my days wondering when this "huge transformation" was going to take over me & even questioned if I was in the right place for it to happen. I underestimated the validity that all great things happen in good time. Now, looking back, the transformation began with a book (A New Earth) during my last week in the Philippines. I discovered that all these changes that I wanted to happen would only transpire by starting with myself FIRST. Without even knowing it, the door was opened, & all the things I so desperately desired started coming in one by one.

Now, I don't want to undermine the whole "starting with myself" journey. This was actually gruesome & there are many things about my personality & past that require some serious confrontation-this truthfully was no easy battle to initiate, but it was exactly what HAD to happen in order to prove to myself that I can obtain the things that I REALLY want in life.

The longer I have been overseas the more deep, heartfelt, & real it has become. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself (in the best way possible). The other day my yoga teacher identified that "people often associate yoga with self-improvement, but it's not, its actually all about self-exploration." As soon as she said that the light went off in my head & I said to myself (internally) "that's it! This journey I am on is all about figuring out what my mind, body, & soul is capable of." After all I have been through I can see now that all three parts of myself are being tested & exercised (even when I felt stuck).
Before I left the US I titled my journal "Trip of Transformation-mind, body, & soul." The door has been opened & it will consciously never be closed.

I understand how freakin sweet it is to be human, how lucky I am to be in such an amazing situation, I how I will always live up to my last name!