It seems like the Philippines was so long ago, but it hasn't even been a month since we've been in Indonesia. I feel like the Phillies & Indo have been two completely different chapters I have been through in my life, & this phase I am in is the most powerful yet. I have taken myself out of the busy life-style that was consuming every part of my being & gave myself the opportunity to take a step back, listen to the silence, & get to know myself again. Not only am I continuously learning what it means to live on a planet (and not just a country), I am also learning what it is I love & what is truly important to me. Typically my summer would have been spent engulfed & hyptomized by loud music, parties, & mind altering experimentation, but this year I chose something different. I decided to see the world, practice yoga, climb volcanoes at 4am instead of party til 4am, meditation, silence, knowledge, God (actually I call it "Father Sky", I believe you can call this living entity of connection & oneness anything you want, but most people know it as God), & most importantly I chose self-exploration.
The major difference between the Philippines & now is that when I began this voyage I felt stuck.. internally... I came equipped with a ton of goals to achieve, so I knew I traveled half way across the Earth for a reason, but I didn't know where to start. So, in all honesty, the majority of the time I was in the Philippines I was solely an observant adventurist. The experiences were wholesome in every way-but it was almost as though I was on vacation & soon enough I would be back to the busy world of unconsciousness. I went about my days wondering when this "huge transformation" was going to take over me & even questioned if I was in the right place for it to happen. I underestimated the validity that all great things happen in good time. Now, looking back, the transformation began with a book (A New Earth) during my last week in the Philippines. I discovered that all these changes that I wanted to happen would only transpire by starting with myself FIRST. Without even knowing it, the door was opened, & all the things I so desperately desired started coming in one by one.
Now, I don't want to undermine the whole "starting with myself" journey. This was actually gruesome & there are many things about my personality & past that require some serious confrontation-this truthfully was no easy battle to initiate, but it was exactly what HAD to happen in order to prove to myself that I can obtain the things that I REALLY want in life.
The longer I have been overseas the more deep, heartfelt, & real it has become. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself (in the best way possible). The other day my yoga teacher identified that "people often associate yoga with self-improvement, but it's not, its actually all about self-exploration." As soon as she said that the light went off in my head & I said to myself (internally) "that's it! This journey I am on is all about figuring out what my mind, body, & soul is capable of." After all I have been through I can see now that all three parts of myself are being tested & exercised (even when I felt stuck).
Before I left the US I titled my journal "Trip of Transformation-mind, body, & soul." The door has been opened & it will consciously never be closed.
I understand how freakin sweet it is to be human, how lucky I am to be in such an amazing situation, I how I will always live up to my last name!